


Things unknown

by karmicMayhem



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Gen, Violence, kankri's past
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-09-16 17:05:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 32,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9281498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karmicMayhem/pseuds/karmicMayhem
Summary: What happens when Terezi's Mind powers overload for a moment and hit a target on this new earth? Kankri's past is seen and explored as they all observe his memories that were long hidden. How will they react to this side of him they've never seen before?





	1. Chapter 1

The new Earth they all lived on now was pretty nice, all things considered. There were humans and trolls living on this planet in peace. Or relative peace, at least. There would always be difficulties where differences lied.

 

Kankri sat in a rather comfortable chair looking at the book he was holding, but not really reading. The trolls from Beforus had come back to life when the game ended for the kids. He glanced up at the large building they all lived in. They were all placed here at the end of the game with enough room for all of them and then some. _It could be worse_ , he thought, _at least the game gave us this house._

 

_Now if only it could fix all the mental damage it caused, we'll be all set._

 

His mouth quirked at his own wry thoughts. He covered his mouth with his sleeve, careful not to let out a laugh.

 

Porrim, who was sitting across from him on the couch, looked up inquisitively. "Something wrong, Kanny?"

 

Kankri shook his head, not bothering to correct her on the nickname. "It's nothing, Porrim." There wasn't really a point in explaining his thoughts, as they were unfocused at the moment anyway.

 

Voices being raised more and more caused them to look over at the group in the corner of the room. It was some of the younger humans and trolls. They seemed to be getting excited about something.

 

"I want to see what happens when someone that isn't hope tries to focus their power outward like Jake did!" Jade exclaimed excitedly. "It has to be interesting!"

 

"Why don’t you try then?" Jake beamed at his ecto relative.

 

"I don’t think Space aspect would really do anything if I tried to manifest it out that way." she frowned.

 

"Time wouldn’t do much that way, either." Dave offered up from his plush bean bag chair he seemed to be drowning in slightly.

 

"Trying to do that with Blood sounds horrifying, so I'm not going to try." Karkat said from his own bean bag chair next to Dave's.

 

Terezi stood up and laughed. "I'll try!" she said. She turned to Jake, "So how do I do this?" she seemed excited at the prospect of something new and interesting she could do.

 

Jake blinked. "Oh, um… Well if I remember how I did it correctly, just focus all of your power on building up your aspect energy inside of yourself and focusing it out of you when it builds up enough."

 

Terezi nodded and stood abruptly, a concentrating look overtaking her face. She stood silently for a few seconds.

 

Then she began to glow a faint green.

 

By now most of the people in the house came to see what was going on, as the light surrounding her got brighter and brighter. She frowned slightly. All of this energy was getting to be almost too much.

 

Kankri stood in alarm, seeing how much power was being gathered up. "Um, is the house really the best place for this?" he questioned.

 

Terezi's face looked almost pained as the power kept growing. Suddenly a flash shone out from her, the energy directed out violently.

 

Kankri's eyes widened at the beam pointed at him. He didn’t have time to move before a lightning strike of pure Mind energy hit him full on. He watched as it branched off of him and touched everyone in the room before the world went dark.


	2. Chapter 2

 

Kankri was 3 sweeps old the first time he realized that not every troll was treated equally.

 

 He was walking down the road to get a new book from the library. He was so excited! Hermit-dad had okayed him going by himself for the first time. Or, it seemed like it at least. His odd chirring mixed with growling seemed to indicate it anyway. It was hard to tell sometimes.

 

The darkness was illuminated by lamps on either side of the road, and he stared at them in wide eyed fascination. He wondered how they worked. Kankri hurried his footsteps and shook his head to clear it a bit. He wouldn’t forget what he was supposed to be doing! He had to go straight there and back or hermit-dad might get upset.

 

He walked up to the counter. Thinking about the lamps made him curious. How did they work? Was it magic? Or maybe it was something else? He wanted to know, and he heard that librarians were supposed to be smart. Maybe they would know how the lamps work?

 

He approached the counter and adjusted his red shirt slightly, trying not to fidget. He heard that you're not supposed to do that. "Um, excuse me?" he said to the librarian behind the counter.

 

The teal blooded librarian slid his eyes down to Kankri. "Yes?" he asked in a bored tone.

 

"Oh, um…" Kankri faltered slightly but continued on, "I was wondering if you knew what was making the street lamps bright? Like, what's making them work?"

 

The librarian frowned at him. "That’s electricity, kid. It's what powers pretty much everything."

 

Kankri blinked, fascinated. He rolled the word around in his head. 'Electricity'.

 

"Um, could you tell me what that is? Or could you tell me what book I could read to learn how it works?" he questioned, delighted by this new piece of information. Was electricity _everywhere_? What was it made of?   

 

"I don’t see why you'd need that information kid." he sneered down at him, "It's not like that kind of knowledge would even matter to a _mutant_ in the long run."

 

Kankri took a step back, unnerved by this trolls words and his tone. He called him a mutant? What was that? Why was he looking at Kankri like he was bad? Did he do something wrong?

 

"Um, Mister librarian, what's a mutant?" Kankri finally braved out shakily, unsure of what exactly was going on.

 

"Don't you know what the hemospectrum is yet?"

 

"Well, I know different trolls have different blood colors?" he supplied cautiously.

 

The librarian nodded condescendingly. "Exactly. And there's lowbloods, midbloods, and highbloods. Highbloods tend to live longer, and lowbloods die faster. There's more lowbloods than highbloods, though." he looked down at Kankri again, and that look was back. Like he thought Kankri wasn't even a troll. "And then there's you. Your kind are called mutants. You're not even _on_ the hemospectrum. And, according to the Empress, the higher bloods should take care of the lower bloods, like you. You'll probably be culled one day." he said.

 

Kankri blinked, "Um, what's 'culled'?"

 

The librarian scoffed. "It means that if they 'decide' that for some reason your lusus doesn't take care of you well enough, they’ll take you away from them and send you to the institution to be primed for adoption."

 

Kankri's eyes widened, "But my lusus takes great care of me! Why would they decide otherwise?"

 

"Because you're a mutant. And mutants obviously can't take care of themselves, even with a lusus. Plus, the more wealthy trolls will try to have you culled anyway. I've heard that having a mutant is an excellent way to show off at parties and social gatherings. Maybe if you're lucky someone rich will adopt you."

 

Kankri felt his eyes start to water. "But I don’t want to belong to anyone! I don’t want to be anyone's property!"

 

"Kid, no one cares what you do and don’t want. You’re a mutant. Just stay silent and get used to it."

 

Kankri turned and ran home without looking back, not even bothering to get a book. He flung himself towards hermit-dad and sobbed.

 

Hermit-dad chirred comfortingly. He nuzzled a claw softly into his hair.

 

"I don’t want to belong to anyone!" he sobbed. "I just want to stay with you! Why can't I? Why can't they all just leave me alone?"

 

He fell asleep like that, curled up and sniffling against his lusus.


	3. Chapter 3

 

Kankri was 4 sweeps old when he got into his first fight.

 

He was standing near the local playground, after being encouraged by his lusus to be more social. He didn't see the point of being around other trolls. He had always preferred being alone, anyway. Other trolls his age always seemed too loud and emotional for him to want to be near.

 

He leaned calmly against a tree, wondering if he had enough money to get some extra candy later, if hermit-dad let him. He would have to make an extra trip home to ask, but it was worth it. He smiled slightly at the prospect of candy in his near future. He was so caught up in his plans, he wasn’t paying attention to what was in front of him and ran into a kid a bit older than him.

 

Kankri took a step back. "Sorry about that." he said in an even tone. He continued on his path home, hoping that would be the end of it.

 

"Hey, where do you think you're going?" the other kid exclaimed, grabbing Kankri's shoulder and pulling him back.

 

Kankri moved out of his grip, uncomfortable with being touched by a stranger like that. "I was just leaving." he replied calmly.

 

"Do you think you're better than the rest of us or something, cull-bait? You should make your apologies sound like you mean them! Say it again like you mean it!" he demanded with a sneer, brushing his cerulean signifying shirt off as he spoke.

 

Kankri clenched his jaw. 'Cull-bait' wasn't a new term to him, but it was the first time someone said it to his face. Still, he tried to remain calm. Getting angry wouldn’t help this situation. "I'm sorry if I injured you or something then."

 

"Oh," started the other, "that didn’t hurt me. What I want an apology for is you touching me. I don’t want your _mutant germs_ on me, after all." He made a mocking disgusted face to punctuate this.

 

" _What_." Kankri stated, feeling his anger growing.

 

"You heard me." The child smirked. "Apologize for getting your gross germs on me." His arms were crossed smugly across his chest.

 

"Well," Kankri started, "if I remember correctly, you grabbed my shoulder just a minute ago. So ill apologize for my germs if you apologize for yours." Kankri raised his eyebrow challengingly.

 

The other kid narrowed his eyes. "I didn't touch you. Your memory is wrong. Besides, you're the only one here not fit to touch anyone." He raised his chin smugly and continued, "A mutant can't take care of themselves anyway. Why are you even out in public? Mutants are so weak a breeze would probably knock you over."

 

" _Would you just shut up_." The words were hissed out from Kankri's lips, unable to take anymore. His skin felt hot. He just wanted to go home. His anger was growing too quickly.

 

The cerulean blood's eyes widened in surprise, then narrowed again in anger. "Oh, it looks like the waste of space has a mouth on him!" He reached forward quickly and pushed Kankri over. "Learn your place, freak. Don't talk back to your betters."

 

Kankri stood up shakily. He stayed silent as he dusted his pants off that had gotten dirt on them from him being pushed. Then he straightened up, moved forward a bit, and looked the other child in the eyes.

 

Then he reeled back and punched him as hard as he could in the face.

 

The child fell over and grasped his face. "Ow! Fuck!" he tried to aim a kick at Kankri from where he was on the ground. Kankri moved out of the way and brought his foot down as hard as he could on the others leg. The other child scrambled up, clutching his bleeding and probably broken nose. "I'm reporting you! They'll cull you for sure for this!"

 

Kankri moved forward, ready to either ask him not to or to punch him again, even he wasn't really sure at this point. The other child had already turned around and started running in the other direction though.

 

Kankri huffed and began his own walk home. This was annoying. He was already cranky from a lack of sleep. Last night he was woken up from a nightmare that felt way too real. He only remembered a vague burning feeling in his wrists. He hoped tonight would be better and he could catch up on his sleep. 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

Kankri was 4 and a half sweeps old when he was slated to be culled.

 

He had been sitting silently next to hermit-dad with a cup of tea and his favorite book at the time. Kankri had hardly put it down since he had gotten it. He had already read it eight times, but he still wasn't tired of it.

 

Suddenly, there was a loud banging at the door. Kankri frowned in the direction of the noise. _What a rude way to knock_ , he thought. He stood to get the door, but hermit-dad stopped him. Kankri looked down at the claw blocking his path then back at his lusus. Why did he seem nervous? Kankri shifted and grabbed the grub loaf knife on the table in front of him. Whatever was happening obviously wasn't good if hermit-dad was this nervous. He hid the knife behind his back as the door burst open.

 

Three royal guards walked in. "Kankri Vantas," the one in the front boomed in a commanding voice, "you are to be culled due to unfit conditions around you. Please come quietly."

 

Kankri's eyes widened. "What? What unfit conditions?" he demanded.

 

"Your lusus has been deemed unfit to raise someone with your blood. And with your history of violence, this will be a good change for you." the officer seemed bored with this exchange.

 

 _History of violence?_ Kankri thought, slightly hysteric at this new development. _I've only been in one fight my whole life._

 

While the middle guard was approaching Kankri, the other two were detaining hermit-dad. They were ignoring his distressed noises and dragging him out. Kankri felt his eyes well up. He looked back to the steadily approaching officer to his lusus. He knew he couldn't help him, he would only be captured. He was too outnumbered.

 

"Look," the officer continued, "everyone knows mutants are weak and fragile. We know what's best for you. Now come on."

 

Kankri felt his eyes dart back to his lusus frantically. He needed to leave. _Now_.

 

He turned to run to the back door, ignoring the yell from the guard. He felt the other grab his arm as he was halfway out the door. Gripping the knife in his hand, he turned and slashed the other on the exposed part of his arm. The officer let go with a startled yell and Kankri bolted out into the woods. He heard the officer still in the doorway calling for backup. Kankri could only blink the tears out of his eyes and push his legs faster.

 

Past trees and undergrowth he ran. The scenery was a blur in his vision as he ran. He kept going deeper into the forest, he pushed himself until he was certain he lost them. He couldn’t hear any noise from the town anymore. Everything was oddly quiet here. He knew he would need to build something to live in, some sort of shelter. He looked around the small clearing he found and sniffled. _This is no time for crying!_ He scolded himself mentally. He began his search for materials to build a shelter out of.

 

 He looked down at the knife still clutched in his hand. _Well_ , he thought, _I'm glad I still have this. I think it'll be useful._

 

In his search for things he could build a shelter with, he came across a small stream. He nodded. This would be good for drinking water and staying clean. The water was sparkling clear, only a faint sound was emitted from the running water as it flowed past in peaceful motions. He knelt down and swished the knife in the water, cleaning the violet blood off of it. He stood back up and looked around. 

 

 He found a tree with leaves as tall as he was. He grabbed a few off and some sturdier looking branches to make a shelter with. He patted his pockets down to see what he had on him. He blinked down at what he pulled out. There was the lighter that hermit-dad let him use to light candles around the house. That'll be good for fire making. He had a few dollars left. It wasn’t a lot, but maybe at some point he could sneak back into town and get something to help with supplies.

 

Kankri was glad he ate before everything happened, but he knew he would get hungry at some point. He saw some berries on a bush a bit ago on his way here, and he knew those were safe to eat, but at some point he knew he would have to find some other source of food. He grit his teeth. He could do this. He could take care of himself here.

 

 _Maybe when I'm older, I can show them that mutants can take care of themselves and they'll stop treating us like we're things to own._ He thought to himself.

 

He continued doing his best to build a shelter. It wasn’t perfect, but he decided it was coming along well enough. He thought of his lusus and stopped. He had to push that thought out of his head. He had heard rumors before of what happened to the lusii that were deemed 'unfit' to raise a troll. Kankri had a sinking feeling that he wouldn't ever see his lusus again.

 

He collapsed to his knees then, the reality of the situation hitting him full on. He could no longer hold the tears back, and began weeping at the loss of his lusus and of the life he had.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

One perigree passed, and Kankri thought he was doing pretty well for himself.

 

He used a strong vine he found to tie the knife to the end of a long and sturdy stick to create a makeshift spear. He used it mostly for hunting hopbeasts, but lately he had been using it to practice self defense. Using the trees and bushes around him as targets, he steadily improved his aim and the amount of power he needed to use in a swing of it.

 

Kankri twirled it around carefully, thinking about what he should do now. He needed to gather more wood for the fire, and patch up the hole that had formed on the roof of the shelter he made. He would need to go gather more leaves for that.

 

He thought of the Empire as he worked. Of the unfairness that surrounded those of lower bloods. Of the condescension expressed by the higher bloods, always thinking they knew what was best for those below them. He scowled. He wanted to live his own life. Maybe they could be reasoned with? Maybe if he spoke to them, they would understand what was wrong with the system they all enforced?

 

Kankri sighed as he continued. Maybe that would work. He hoped so. He didn't know what else to do now. He wondered if he could just spend the rest of his life here, in the wilderness. He could live unbothered by others and their superior mindset. He hated how they all seemed to think they were better than him. How, when he walked down the street, they all looked at him like he was something helpless. Or something like a pet to be owned, dumb by nature and better off staying docile and silent.

 

He picked up another stick for the fire and shook his head resolutely. Anger isn't productive and won't help right now. He needed to just focus on surviving for now. He pushed his emotions back down and walked back towards his living area with the gathered firewood.

 

\-----------------

 

A few hours later Kankri had a decent fire going with some food roasting over it. He sat on the piece wood he cleaned off in the river a few times to use as a chair. It wasn't that comfortable, but it served its purpose well enough, so Kankri decided it was good enough. His clothes were still a little damp from when he washed them in the stream earlier, but he was just happy they felt relatively clean again. His hair was pretty wet as well from his own earlier dip in the stream to clean off.

 

He watched his food cooking in relative silence until he heard a rustle in the forest. He whipped his head to the side to try to see what made the noise. He squinted but couldn’t see what caused the disruption. He flinched as something got thrown down in front of him. He jumped back as he realized it was a can spewing some sort of gas out.

 

He immediately started holding his breath, not sure if the gas was poisonous or not yet. He looked at the approaching figures suddenly visible in the distance.

 

It was a group of royal guards.

 

Kankri’s eyes flicked over to his spear, but it was too far away to grab in enough time. He felt his adrenaline and panic rising steadily as he tried to figure out what to do. He looked around. There were too many to fight head on. He needed to run away. _Quickly_. He turned to run but the approaching guards were too fast. His arms were grabbed before he could get very far. He was restrained before he could lash out.

 

He gasped out for breath, unable to hold the air in anymore. He looked up at the guards wearing gas masks and his eyes widened. He realized what the gas was now.

 

He was breathing knock out gas. Kankri felt his vision go blurry at the thought. He knew it was too late to bother trying to hold his breath again. He could only stand while watching his vision go dark. The last thing he felt before passing out was the feeling of being picked up by the guard holding him, and taken away.

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

The Institution was _not_ Kankri's favorite place.

 

He had been here for a few perigrees now, and he was in trouble for speaking out of turn. _Again_.  The Institution was a place for the lowbloods and mutants to go when they were culled. It was supposed to prepare them for adoption. But it seemed ‘prepare’ meant ‘break them mentally until they think this is what’s best for them.’

 

The high and _electrified_ walls surrounding the institution was meant to _discourage_ any ‘misguided’ lowbloods from trying to leave prematurely. And if that wasn’t enough, there were armed guards patrolling the perimeter at all times. _For our own protection, of course,_ he thought sardonically. He hated the way things were done here.

 

Every time he tried addressing what was wrong with this place it was called ‘speaking out of turn’. He was sent to the therapist's office more than once. He was told things like:

 

‘Mutants should really only speak if someone is talking to you. It's just better that way, because we know what's best for you.’

 

And,

 

‘Is this because you lost your lusus? I know that can be hard on young lowbloods, but that's no reason to act out.’

 

His frustration was growing. He wanted so bad to respond by yelling that _they_ were the reason he lost his lusus in the first place. He wanted to tell them that if they just left him _alone_ to begin with, then he wouldn't be ‘acting out’ now. But he couldn’t. He knew that would only make the situation worse. He could only grit his teeth and bare it.

 

What he hated the most was when they would try to pap him. They try to pacify him that way and he _hates_ it. That’s something that only a pale partner should be able to do. They think that they can just do anything to him because they’re in a position of power. Their hands are always so uncomfortably cold. He hates when they pat his face or ruffle his hair. It’s so condescending when they do it. It’s nothing like when hermit-dad would nuzzle a claw into his hair. That was an act of affection.

 

This is an act of power.

 

He sits in his plain room, starch white and empty of any non-essentials. He just wants this place to change. Why can’t they all see what’s wrong around them?! There’s so much that needs to be fixed, but no one will listen to him because of his blood color. And the nightmares have come back too. More vivid now. He still isn’t quite sure what’s happening in it, but it’s the same dream. And it’s happening more frequently now. He would wake up feeling like wrists were on _fire_. It hurt _so much_ , and he would wake, having to muffle his own startled scream upon regaining consciousness. He didn’t want to alert anyone else to this. They would probably just try to give him drugs or tell him he was imagining it.

 

He lied on the bed and stared at the ceiling, more world weary than someone his age ever should be.

 

Kankri closed his eyes, but he did not dare try to sleep. 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

Kankri is 5 sweeps old when he decides he’s had enough.

 

He decides this, standing alone outside of the Institution at night. Only able to be here at this time because he snuck out, but he didn’t dare try the fence. Not yet. This wasn't a night for an escape attempt. This was a night for resolutions.

 

\----------------

 

"Fuck you."

 

He states this, surprisingly clearly and boldly, to the empty night air.

 

"You all treat me like I am less, like I am inferior or somehow unintelligent for something I have no control over. You speak to me as though my blood color affects my worth." he narrows his eyes as he continues.

 

"I have made up my mind. I will no longer attempt to appeal to your sense of morality for I see this place is too corrupt for that. No, instead…" he inhales a shaky breath and continues forcefully, "instead, _I_ will be the one condescending to you all. I will read and learn as much as I can so I always will know more than anyone else on this and _any_ subject. You call me lesser so now I will make all of _you_ feel inferior. You have talked down to me since I was born and now I will make sure _you know how it feels_."

 

"From this moment forth _I will hate you all_. I will hate you all for as long as I live and I will make you hate me too. I will make sure you _despise me_ and my existence. I will make sure you all fucking _regret_ ever meeting me and I will make _damn_ sure you regret _taking my lusus from me_."

 

"I am alone and you all made a mistake when you took my lusus because now I have _nothing left to lose_." A sardonic smile twitched on his lips, his determined voice keeping its volume. He isn't hiding this. If anyone hears this proclamation of his, then good. He won't deny himself this. This moment of determination and steel, wrapped in the darkness of the night and bathed in this _rage_ he kept so tightly bound before this. No more. No more acting like a 'helpless mutant'. No more bowing to those 'above' him.

 

"I have nothing left to lose and I will prove you all wrong. You say a mutant should be seen and not heard. You try to restrain what I say. You tell me to be silent and now I will _make sure you hear me_."

 

Kankri looked to the institution and smiled. With hatred and determination and _steel_ glinting in his eyes he stood tall. He knew what he would do now. He would walk back inside the _prison_ they placed him in and he would act like nothing happened. He would be unfailingly polite. He would read every book he could, and he would pay more attention in the mandatory classes they put him in. Soaking up as much information as he could, he would amass as much knowledge as possible for the future. And then one day, when no one was looking, he would escape.

 

And they would never see it coming.

 

He cast his eyes to the city lights far in the distance. His hands fisted at his sides, he spoke again, more quietly this time but with _far_ more venom coating his words,

 

 _"Fuck you."_    

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

Kankri was 6 and a half sweeps old when he was assigned to help the security guard that patrolled the area beyond the walls.

 

The guard was a surly older purple blood. It was obvious he hated his job by the way he spoke. He always glared at the lowbloods at the institute and only seemed happy when he caught one trying to escape. Which didn’t happen very often here as it was. The lowbloods at this place all seemed complacent. They didn’t care what happened to them anymore.

 

Kankri received the news that he was to report for guard assistance duty during the hour he was allowed to use the institute's library. The news was delivered to him from the other side of his stack of books. He peered over the side and met the employee’s unimpressed gaze. No one here really approved of a mutant reading as much as Kankri did.

 

 _I wonder why,_ he thought sarcastically.

 

Kankri knew he was chosen for this role because they didn’t think he was any sort of threat. They saw that he stopped talking back as much and congratulated him on ‘finally coming to his senses’ and ‘finally seeing reason’. They saw only what they wanted to see. Just a weak mutant that was at the top of the classes they put him in. No one to really worry about.

 

All he was supposed to do on this job was help out the working guard when they ask with whatever they ask for. Kankri already dreaded the prospect of working with the guard on duty. He sighed and made his way to the main patrolling area.

 

He looked around. It seemed that the old purple blood was the only guard working tonight. Kankri tilted his head in consideration.

 

 _Interesting._   

 

“Don’t even think about trying to make a run for it, kid. I’ll have shot you down before you got more than a foot away.” the guard walked up and narrowed his eyes at Kankri. “This thing isn’t just for show.” he said, gesturing at the blaster gun in his grip. “It’s always primed for firing. So don’t get any funny ideas about leaving.”

 

Kankri blinked and tilted his head in an innocent manner. “Of course not, sir. I was planning nothing of the sort.”

 

The guard squinted his eyes at him before relaxing his shoulders. “You don’t seem like the sort anyway. So I suppose I don't have to bother with the usual speech. It’s not like you have anywhere to go, even if you _do_ get out anyway.”

 

Kankri clenched his fist behind his back at the dig but showed no other signs of a reaction. He felt his claws digging into his hand, but it was the only thing stopping him from jumping at the guard for making a joke about what happened to his lusus. He could only stare blankly at the man as he explained the basics of what he would be doing when they got past the gate. It mainly seemed to consist of letting him know of any suspicious figures he saw.

 

This seemed to be manageable at least. Kankri knew this would be an easy job for him. He looked around at the surroundings outside of the wall. He already knew that he wouldn’t say anything on the off chance someone actually tried to escape. He could always just claim he didn’t notice.

 

He exhaled and watched as his breath turned to fog in the chilly night air. He followed the guard quietly through his normal trek around the perimeter. He looked at the woods in the distance. If he remembered his way around town well enough, if he went through those woods it would take them a lot longer to find him due to how much space there was to cover in that direction.

 

He could possibly find an abandoned dwelling to live in. Or he could live in the wild again, if he ever got out. He looked forward again and continued on. The guard stopped suddenly and swore. Kankri blinked in surprise, but said nothing.

 

“I’ve got some sort of sharp rock in my shoe. It’s really fuckin’ annoyin’.” he looked at the blaster in his hands, then to Kankri. “Here kid, hold this while I get this damn thing out of my shoe.” he handed the blaster over to Kankri. He weighed it in his hands. It was pretty lightweight. He looked back to the guard.

 

The guard smirked at Kankri while he took his shoe off. “I’m really only trusting you to hold that ‘cause I know there’s no way a mutant would even begin to know how to work one.” he looked down as he shook his shoe out. Kankri took his moment of inattention to begin moving the dials on the blaster.

 

“Aren’t you the one that likes reading so much?” he questioned in a superior manner, still not looking at Kankri. “I bet none of those books of yours could teach you how to work a gun like that.” he chuckled his last sentence out.

 

“They could, actually.” Kankri finally broke his silence with a small smirk. "And they did."

 

The guard finally looked back up and processed what he was seeing. Kankri stood tall with the blaster pointed at the highbloods forehead.

 

“Wha-” he started, but was interrupted by Kankri.

 

“Something else I learned,” he continued calmly in contrast to the others growing terror, “is that, even though highbloods are a lot harder to kill, a shot to the brain will kill any troll, no matter the blood color.”

 

Kankri allowed a genuine smile to take over his face. “Sorry about this, it might sting just a little.”

 

He pulled the trigger.

 

The blast of energy was bright but almost completely silent as it shot out. Kankri watched as the purple blood fell, then he turned towards the woods. He darted forward, still holding the blaster, to his freedom.

 

He would be damned if he lost it again.   

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

Kankri discovered Trollian when he was 7 sweeps old.

 

He was staying in a hive that was abandoned by its previous owner. He came across it after spending a few days on the run. It was located a pretty good distance from the nearest town and was surrounded on all sides by a thick wall of trees. He flipped the switch that was located in all hives that alerts the government to supply power to it. Normally it was the job of the lusus to hit the button when they adopted a new wriggler, but Kankri knew they wouldn’t come check to make sure there was actually a lusus here.

 

He worked a few odd jobs around the nearest town to save up enough money for food and other things. He pretended to be a rust blood to even get the jobs. Oddly enough, finding the rust colored shirts was the hardest part.

 

He had finally gotten enough to buy a used husktop. It was still pretty new and worked almost perfectly, there were just some scratches on the outside. He was lucky they were selling it for as cheaply as they were. He mostly used it for reading and posing as a higher blood to take online classes. Kankri scanned the internet for any websites that promoted social justice or taught it. If he was going to do this, he planned to do it right. He smirked and continued his search for more websites.

 

He tilted his head in consideration. _What’s Trollian?_ he wondered. He made an account and paused when it asked for a chat color. He knew it was based on blood color, but should he pretend to be a rust blood? He decided that typing in his bright red color was a better choice. The people on here would just assume that it was a mutant that somehow hadn’t been culled. He finished signing up and stared at his computer. Now what?

 

Kankri drummed his claws on the desk in thought. He could always look up something to read online. He read about something called ‘triggers’ yesterday, and it sounded rather promising. He had already begun incorporating it into his speech, attempting to use it more often. His eyes flickered back down to the screen at an icon that began flashing.

 

He blinked at the jade colored username that appeared. It was a friend request. _That’s odd_ , he thought. He clicked the button accepting the request. Kankri wondered what this person was like. They hadn’t sent him a message yet so he looked down at the clock.

 

He realised that he’d have to go to sleep soon to be on time for the job he was doing tomorrow. He got up and stretched before going to his room to sleep.

 

\-------------------------

 

The jade blooded troll, who he now knew was named Porrim, was a pleasant seeming troll. They had been talking back and forth for awhile now. The only issue he had with her was that she spoke to him like she was his lusus. _It’s so rude_ , he thought to himself grumpily. _I can’t let myself get close to her anyway. It’s not safe for me. What if she tries to get me culled or something?_  He sighs at the thought, but stays resolute.

 

_I’m safer alone. I’m the only one I can trust._

 

He typed up a reply to her latest message. Even if he wouldn’t get close to her, he had to admit she was fun to debate things with. Her messages were almost as long as his when she replied to something he said.

 

He rubbed under his eyes and cursed his current lack of sleep. The recurring dream was getting more and more clear. He realized that the person in the dream was a mutant, and that they were being put to death for some sort of rebellion they started. He could see what the person looked like almost clearly but still had no idea who they were or why the world they lived in seemed to be so much more violent than the one he lived in.

 

He decided that he wanted clothing that looked like what the person in his dream was wearing. The person's outfit left something to be desired, but Kankri wanted it for what it meant to him, not the looks. He needed new clothes anyway. How would he get them though?

 

He thought silently before sliding his eyes over to the computer. He knew Porrim made clothes. And she had offered to make him a shirt or something. He blinked. _I wonder if she’ll make it if I ask her to. I could draw up the basic design of it and give her my measurements. I can just owe her a favor for this._ He nodded to himself. She would probably agree to it. He hoped she would, at least.

 

Kankri didn’t know who the mutant in his dream was, but he loved what he stood for. He sat down and open Trollian. His eyes shining with excitement, he typed out his request.

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

Kankri was discovered by a lone officer a few perigrees later.

 

He had been standing just outside of his front door, when he heard a twig snap down the path. He blinked in confusion and peered into the distance. He moved forward cautiously. It could have just been citizen from town, after all.

 

“You there!” the voice called out authoritatively.  

 

Kankri stiffened at the others tone. Not a townsperson then. He turned to run back indoors but only made it partially through the door before he was grabbed by the other who had sprinted to catch him. The guard pulled Kankri’s arms behind his back.

 

“I recognise you.” the officer sneered at him. “You’re that mutant that caused so much trouble. There's a photo of you at the guard station. Why don’t you just be a good little lowblood and learn your place?” the statement was punctuated by the guard pushing Kankri’s arms into a more painful position behind him.

 

Kankri huffed at the treatment but let no other sound of discomfort out. He wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. He thought of the blaster he kept so long ago and wished it was within his reach instead of upstairs. Kankri considered what he saw of the officer. He was wearing cerulean, and didn’t seem to be visibly armed.

 

“They’ll be happy to have you back at the institute.” the other continued. “I don’t know what you did brat, but it had the officials going crazy trying to cover everything up.”

 

Kankri smiled slightly at the thought, glad to have caused them some trouble. Any inconvenience to them was a win in his books. He turned his attention back to what the other was saying, realising he hadn’t been listening. _I should really treat this more seriously than I am,_ he thought to himself dryly.

 

“They might even lock you up for whatever you did if it was bad enough. It would serve you right. The nerve of a mutant like you causing your betters so much frustration.” he started marching Kankri forward, away from his house and towards town. “We’ll go to the nearest town and I’ll alert the higher ups. They’ll probably come pick us up from there.” he just seemed to be thinking outloud to himself at this point.  

 

Kankri quickly formulated a plan. He needed to do this just right, and was suddenly grateful the other hadn’t thought to handcuff him. He stopped walking.

 

The other noticed his stop and stopped too. “Hey, what’re you-”.

 

“Would you like to know what I did?” Kankri interjected. “You seem curious as to what a mutant could do that would cause such an upset, but you know they won’t tell you if you ask.” he turned his head to look at the other innocently. “I can show you if you want.”

 

The officer narrowed his eyes. “Sure, but don't think that means I’m letting you go. Soothing my curiosity won’t get you out of this.” he didn’t release Kankri’s arms.

 

“Oh,” replied Kankri casually, “I’m fully aware of that.”

 

“So what-” the officers words were cut off by the back of Kankri’s head smashing into his face and breaking his nose.

 

He let go of Kankri in shock and wasn’t quick enough to block the punch to his stomach. He wheezed and aimed a kick at Kankri.  

 

Kankri winced as the kick caught him in the leg. _That’ll bruise for sure_ , he thought. The officer tried to punch him, but Kankri moved away in enough time and caught the other’s arm. He swung him around and grabbed his other arm and pushed him into the same painful position he had Kankri earlier. He had him moved a bit in front of him so he couldn’t get out of it the same way Kankri had.

 

“So,” Kankri continued as though nothing had happened, “you wanted to know what I did to get away. What a _mutant_ could possibly do to stir up the highbloods.” Kankri smiled now, his grin wide and his eyes ice cold with hatred. He slipped his claws up to the now terrified guards neck and whispered the next words out while keeping one hand restraining the other.

 

_“I killed the guard to escape.”_

 

His grin turned into a self satisfied smirk here. He felt the other trembling in his grip now, unable to fight back from this position, and terrified of the sharp claws still on his throat. The officer was too afraid to speak.

 

“You all _really_ need to learn to stop underestimating me. It always ends badly for you.” he chuckled a bit, more amused than anything else at this point.

 

“Well, I _did_ say that I’d show you what I did. I apologize in advance for not doing the same thing as then, but don’t worry.” he punctuated this statement by stabbing into the other's throat with his claws and _ripping_ downwards. He dropped the cerulean blood then, coldly observing the officer grasping at his torn and bloody throat.

 

“The ending will be the same.” he said, finishing his earlier statement with a pleasant smile.

 

He watched as the other spasmed on the ground for a while before finally stilling, dying from suffocation. Kankri looked down at his body with lowered eyelids. Now he had to hide the body. He decided to bury him out in the woods where he was a lot less likely to be found. He also needed a way to clean the blood off of the grass. He looked down at his hand now, his claws and some of his arm covered in the other’s cerulean blood. _I should clean myself first though,_ he thought to himself wryly.

 

He walked back into his hive to wash off and find a shovel. He really needed some coffee after all of that.

 

     


	11. Chapter 11

 

Kankri was 7 and a half sweeps old when he got an offer to play a game.

 

He had saved up enough money over time to finally get a phone. It was pretty cheap, but it had texting and could go online. That was good enough for him, honestly. He was chatting with Porrim on the way to buy food for dinner tonight. They had their own separate chat away from the group chat Porrim dragged him into.

 

He stopped to rest on a bench overlooking the town. He looked at the phone in his hands and frowned at the thought of the people in the group chat. They were so rude. They saw his bright red text and made extremely inappropriate jokes about mutants. Well, some of them did. The others didn’t say anything to stop the ones making the remarks, though.

 

He found it odd that there seemed to be one of each blood color in the chat. Even a fuchsia blood, it seemed. He looked back to his chat with Porrim. She seemed to be explaining some sort of game the others were starting up. She explained that Mituna found some old tablets or something and tried to decipher them and somehow ended up with a game code. She wanted Kankri to join when they finally got the game working.

 

Kankri grimaced. Playing a game with all of them didn’t really sound fun to him. Then again, he wasn’t really that busy these days. He considered it a bit more when a flash of pain flared in his head.

 

His hands flew up to grasp his head as he winced at the feeling, caught off guard. He clenched his eyes shut before he had the oddest feeling that he needed to open them again _quickly_. He blearily opened his eyes again. He peered out towards town and gasped in shock at what he saw.

 

_Blood._

 

Trolls were walking around covered in their own blood. They had wounds that should surely have killed them, but none of them even seemed to _notice_. He looked and his eyes widened further at the buildings. They seemed to be crushed and mostly destroyed. He even saw a few that seemed to be on _fire_. But at the same time he saw the buildings as completely fine. There was fire and destruction all around him but he could see that it wasn’t quite real. He blinked at the puddles of blood that pooled in patches down the street, watching them fade in and out of his vision.

 

Kankri looked down at his phone again and suddenly it clicked. He didn’t know _how_ he knew, but he knew it as sure as he knew his name and the color of his blood. It was connected to the game Porrim mentioned. Somehow, the start of that game would end the world. He watched as the stomach wound on the haughty indigo blood that passed by him started to fade as all the other destruction did as well.

 

The vision had faded completely now, but it was _burned_ into Kankri’s mind. He knew he didn’t just imagine it or something. It felt too real for that. No, that was what would happen if he agreed to join this game. Porrim _did_ say it needed 12 members to start up correctly.     

 

How did he even have a vision? Was this somehow connected to the dreams he’d had since he was younger? Why him? He stood slowly as he pondered these questions. Could he really bring about the end of his world by joining this game? _Should_ he?

 

Kankri thought of why he shouldn't. It was too much for a single being to decide. So much would be lost, and the deaths would be painful and bloody. As far as he saw, at least. What right did he have to decide the fate of an entire planet, no matter how cruel?

 

Then, though, he thought of why he _should_.  

 

He thought of the oppression of the lower classes, disguised under the pretense of ‘looking out for them’ and ‘preserving the delicate lowbloods’. He thought of the uncaring and rude librarian. He thought of the bully from his childhood who got him culled in the first place. He thought of the guard that made a joke about the death of his lusus. And then, he thought of the institute, and the cruelties that lied there under a blanket of condescending words and gestures.

 

He remembered the feeling of living alone in the woods, mourning the loss of his lusus.

 

Kankri calmly looked back down at his phone and began typing an agreement to play with a smirk on his face. He then continued on his walk to the store, pocketing his phone as the message sent.

 

_I refuse to be powerless anymore. Let the end come, if it will._

_I will be here._

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

 

Kankri was 8 sweeps old when the game began.

 

He realised something was wrong with how terrified everyone was on the chat. Frantic messages were being sent almost too quickly for him to read. He caught the word ‘asteroids’ more than once. He quirked an eyebrow and set his coffee down to go look outside. He closed his front door and stepped out, then looked towards the sky.

 

_ Huh. _

 

_ Well that explains where the fire I saw came from.  _ He snorted at his train of thought. Asteroids weren’t what he had been expecting. He didn’t really know  _ what _ he had expected, but it wasn’t this. It was objectively fascinating. How had a game caused this? What did Mituna and the others uncover by finding this? 

 

Kankri’s eyes widened at a new thought. He ran forward and began climbing the tallest tree near his house. He scaled all the way to the top, thankful he still kept in shape by practicing self defence. He looked out from the sea of trees and grinned. He could see the city from here. He could even see the outline of the institution. 

 

A few asteroids had already hit from what he could tell. He watched as smoke rose from the wreckage and people tried to flee for cover as more and more asteroids fell. The institution hadn’t been hit yet, but he looked at the sky and saw a rather large one headed right for it. Kankri grinned and tracked the progress of it with his eyes. He watched as it appeared to grow in size the closer it got to the ground. 

 

The asteroid smashed into the institute violently. The building now seemed to have a gaping hole in it, and half of it had collapsed under its own weight. He laughed as the remains of the building also caught fire. The people running around the city seemed to be getting more and more frantic. He recalled his words from so long ago and lowered his eyelids as repeated them now, at the destruction before him.

 

“Fuck you.”

 

His smile at this was more teeth than anything else. He wondered what would happen now. He had a feeling he needed to get back to his house soon. Kankri spared one last moment to savor the pandemonium in the distance before descending down the tree. He walked back inside and went to his desk. He looked at his computer that was running the copy of the game they sent him. 

 

He entered the group chat and did his best to appear concerned about everything that was happening. He asked if they were all okay. They all replied that they were still fine. Kankri tilted his head in thought. Perhaps the game protects you if you’re one of the players? They all seemed to be fine, even though he knew very well that a few of them lived in the middle of the city. 

 

Kankri glanced out of his window at a rather loud crash sound.  _ Ah. It seems the woods are on fire now. Well it’s good I got out of that tree when I did, _  he thought to himself wryly. He glanced back to the chat. They were now arguing about whether or not they should still play the game after all of this. Kankri typed in his opinion that they should continue the game. They seemed surprised that Kankri of all people would be the one to say so, but relented. The balance was tilted in favor of continuing the game now. 

 

Kankri looked out of his window in satisfaction, and chuckled as the world ended. 

 

_ “Fuck you.”  _

  
  



	13. Chapter 13

 

Kankri had been in the game for a few days when he found something interesting.

 

He had been wandering around this odd planet the game had created for him, when he found what seemed to be some sort of old library. He had the stick he had been using as a weapon grasped lightly in his hand as he went, unsure of this new development. He had learned that this new planet was filled with danger and traps and improvised on something to fend off the monster things he ran into with.

 

The library itself was an old ornate looking building covered in vines. He narrowed his eyes as he inspected further. It seemed like the vines began changing the further down they went, and began resembling… veins? Kankri leaned back in alarm. He took one last look at the black marble of the building before stepping inside the structure cautiously.

 

The inside was somehow more impressive than the outside. The building was filled with shelves of books from floor to ceiling. He cast his gaze to the ceiling and furrowed his eyebrows. There seemed to be a galaxy painted on the ceiling. The stars were red and appeared to be dripping slowly. He blinked and watched as the drops that hit the floor seemed to be _absorbed_ into it somehow.

 

_Interesting._

 

He carefully stepped around the small puddle and continued forward. He pulled a book from a shelf and opened it. It appeared to be written in symbols instead of letters. He blinked in confusion and put it back slowly before continuing on.

 

He stopped in front of an odd looking book. Where all the other books were shades of blacks and grays, there was a single white book on the shelf. He reached forward slowly to grab it before releasing it suddenly in alarm. He looked down at his hand where he touched it. His finger was bleeding. Something on the book pricked him. His eyes widened in fascination as the book slowly turned bright red to match his blood color.

 

The building began to rumble suddenly. It almost sounded like it was purring. The wall to the left of him slowly creaked open. There seemed to be a staircase descending downwards from the doorway. Kankri gripped the stick and began his descent down the stairs.

 

He continued his path before the stairs came to a stop. He observed the room from where he was standing. There were more of those vein vine things covering the walls. In the center of the room, there was a large slab of stone on the floor. The vines seemed to be pulsing.

 

He had the oddest feeling that he should get closer. He stepped farther into the room and peered at the stone slab. The vines on the wall seemed to be connected to the slab in front of him. There was a large circle etched into the ground around the slab. He stepped inside slowly. Kankri suddenly felt rooted to his spot. He couldn’t move his feet.

 

The room began pulsing with some sort of power and the vines seemed to be pumping _something_ into the stone. A red haze began to flood the room as the pulsing got faster and faster. He braced himself in alarm, still not able to move his feet. The stone began emitting a scorching feeling of _heat_.  

 

 He smelled something metallic in the air. _Is that blood?_ he pondered. He flicked his eyes to the vines on the wall. Considering how much they resembled veins in some places, it was incredibly likely that they were transporting blood of some sort. The stone was glowing a bright red from the temperature now. The pulsing sound was getting louder and louder. He winced as the heat became nearly unbearable.

 

Suddenly the heat ceased. The red haze in the room lifted and suddenly Kankri could move his feet again. He peered cautiously at the stone in front of him. It began shaking. Then, loudly and without warning, the stone shattered into rubble. His eyes widened in surprise and he stepped forward carefully to view the damage. He saw something gleaming in the debris.

 

It glowed a faint red and began floating up, out of the rubble. Kankri tilted his head as he observed it get closer to him. _It’s a scythe_ , he thought in surprise. It appeared to be a bit taller than him and the blade itself was long and sleek. He dropped the stick he had been holding and reached his hand out to grasp it. As his fingers closed around the handle, the aura surrounding it glowed brighter than ever and began surrounding Kankri too.

 

Kankri felt something click in his mind. He could see _so much_ suddenly. He saw his blood flowing in his hands, and he saw the blood flowing through the vines. He saw something glowing, connecting him to the scythe. The aura stopped glowing but Kankri could still see a vibrant line of light between himself and the scythe. He felt oddly attached to it suddenly. It felt like it was truly _his._ He looked at the blade and wondered if it was nearly as sharp as it looked. The entire thing was solid black and Kankri grinned at it. He remembered the spear he made so long ago in the woods, and how it was oddly fitting that this new weapon was rather close to it.

 

He held it up and twirled it experimentally. The balance of it was perfect. He looked back down to the stone it came out of and back to the vines on the wall. _So, if the vines were carrying blood, was this scythe created from the iron found in blood? It seems to be the only possible explanation. Was my own blood added to it from when it pricked me earlier?_ He narrowed his eyes in confusion at the scythe in his hands, when suddenly the floor under the rubble began shaking and rising, the rubble falling away.

 

He watched as a platform rose and words began appearing on the gleaming marble surface. He stepped forward to read the writing.

 

_Seer of Blood._

_This weapon has been created to fit you, as you have been deemed worthy of it. The scythe has been bonded to you, and will be used best when wielded by you and you only._

_With it in your grasp, your Sight of Blood and bonds alike will be clearer._

_With it in your possession, your ability to manipulate Blood and bonds will also increase._

_Use it wisely, Seer._

 

Kankri looked at the scythe in his grasp in wonder. So the glowing red line he saw was a bond? How does it work? He glanced around the room once more before placing his hand lightly on one of the vines, curious as to what would happen. He gasped as bright red flowers sprouted from the vine. The petals of the flowers seemed delicate and frail, but beautiful. He walked back to the stairs, one hand gently touching the wall as he went, giggling happily as the flowers seemed to follow him. They sprouted as he went forward and back up the stairs.

 

He calmly walked towards the front door. He was ready to be home again. Suddenly he had a thought. He spun to face the library again. If this place knew what he was, and seemed to approve of him, then it was at least partially sentient. Then, in that case…

 

“Thank you.” he raised his voice loud enough to be understood and heard clearly. “I will use the scythe as wisely as I can, and am grateful you saw fit to give it to me. It’s a wondrous help to me. So, thank you.” he inclined his head slightly in respect.

 

The library rumbled again in that odd purr-like way. It seemed to have heard him and was pleased with his words. The blood drops falling from the mural on the ceiling began turning into those beautiful bright red flowers as they fell to the floor. Kankri laughed in delight as he watched them flutter downwards.

  
“Goodbye.” he said with a smile. He turned and opened the doors before walking out. He twirled the elegantly sharp scythe in his hands and felt his eyes crinkle with giddiness. He had to get some training with it in now. He couldn’t wait to use it.

 


	14. Chapter 14

 

Kankri was 8 and a half sweeps old when he got his sweater.

 

He got a message from Porrim while he was taking down some imps that were trying to attack him when he wasn’t looking. He quickly sliced the last one in half so he could check his beeping phone. He planted the end of his scythe in the ground and leaned on it to answer Porrim’s message.

 

He glanced around to make sure he was completely alone before deciding to just sit on the ground. He peered at his phone. Porrim wanted him to wear a sweater she knitted for him? He clicked the attached image she sent of it. It was bright red. Kankri narrowed his eyes at the garment. There was no _way_ he was going to wear that. It reminded him too much of when he was forced to wear that color to show his blood status.

 

Kankri frowned. He didn’t want to be branded with that color anymore. He wanted to be free of the stigma that came with being a mutant. And also, for another reason.

 

He had come to _hate_ the color red.

 

He typed his denial out to Porrim, making sure to emphasize that while he was flattered that she knitted it for him, he would have to decline it. After he typed his normal lengthy reply, he put his phone away and went back inside to alchemise some food. He had been running low on his supplies lately.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------

 

His eyebrow twitched at the constant beeping coming from his phone. Porrim just wouldn’t take no for an answer! She had been sending him message after message berating him for not taking that damn sweater. He had stopped bothering to reply almost an hour ago now and she was _still_ sending him furious messages. He huffed in annoyance. _Why does she bother?_  

 

His phone beeped again and he briefly entertained the idea of slicing it in half before tossing the pieces out of the window. He sighed. He couldn’t do that. Kankri almost wished he could, but it was basically his only link to the others. His computer had been smashed by an enemy a few days ago, and he was trying to save grist so he couldn’t just alchemize a new one up.

 

The phone beeped once more and Kankri slammed a pillow on top of it. This was so _irritating_. He understood why Porrim was upset, but why did she feel the need to say it in so many damn messages? It was likely that she was just doing it to irritate him into complying at this point. He knew knitting a sweater was a difficult task, but if she had _asked_ him before knitting it, then they wouldn’t even be arguing about it _now_.

 

This conversation had been going on for _days_. _I don’t like this_ , he thought, _if I accept it, she’ll think it’s some sort of pale acknowledgement. She’s only acting like this to me because I’m a mutant. Why else would she care? I don’t want her affection if I can’t trust it._

 

_Why can’t everyone just leave me alone? I can’t trust anyone but myself._

 

_I’m safer alone._

 

Kankri sniffed and buried his face in his arms with his knees pulled up to his chest. He didn’t know what to do now. She wouldn’t give up, or take no for an answer. His only option was to accept the gift, but to distance himself from her. He would have to argue with her against something she felt strongly about.

 

He thought over his options. She seemed to feel the strongest about gender equality. So he would just have to argue against it to keep her from wanting to get any closer. He respected Porrim, but he couldn’t risk it. He nodded to himself, sure of his decision now. He spent a few more moments just sitting like that and keeping his breathing even, before moving to carry out his plan.

 

He picked up his phone and typed out his acceptance of the sweater to Porrim.

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

 

Kankri Vantas was 9 sweeps old when he died.

 

He was with the others when Meenah shared her plan. The only way they could win the game was to initiate the Scratch. Their newly incarnated selves would be born on a new world, and their original selves would live on in the dream bubbles. And to do that, they would first have to die.

 

Meenah assured them that her plan was foolproof. She had acquired a bomb, _somehow_ , and told them about her plan and how it was their best option. They didn’t have much else in the way of plans, and the way it was going, this actually seemed to be the best course of action.

 

Kankri looked at the others. They were all standing around the bomb and preparing for their last moments. After this happened, a new world would be created. A world that would better prepare the future players for the game. He pondered if that meant that the world would be made crueler. It was of no importance to him at this point, though. He sighed and looked at the others in the room.

 

Mituna and Latula were huddled together. Porrim was speaking quietly with Meenah and Aranea. It was too quiet for Kankri to make the words out. Cronus appeared to be combing his hair back. It looked _much_ better down, in Kankri’s opinion. Kurloz and Meulin were standing next to each other. Kurloz had an odd smile on his face. Kankri decided that it was still one of the better decisions he had made, not getting close to him. Something was off about him, and Kankri knew better than most what blood lust looked like.

 

He flicked his eyes back to the bomb. The timer was slowly counting down. There was only one minute left. He considered sitting down, but decided against it. If something was going to kill him, he wanted to be standing when it hit him. He wondered if it would hurt. Someone had once told him that death isn’t that painful, but he doubted it. As far as he could tell, only a clear shot to the head would have the most chance of being a painless death, as the victim wouldn’t have enough time to really process the pain. He paused here to let a small grin consume his face at the memory playing in his mind, the reason he knew this first hand.

 

Twenty seconds left now. Kankri looked at the ceiling, lost in thought. _I should care more. I’m about to die and it’s barely phasing me._

 

_I wonder if something is just fundamentally wrong with me._

 

He’s torn from his thoughts as the room seemed to still. The muttering that had been going around the room stopped.

 

Three seconds left.

 

Kankri braced himself.

 

Two.

 

One.

 

The explosion was sudden and _loud_. Pain erupts from his stomach and he hears more than one scream from the others. He blearily looks up from where he lies on the floor, all of them having been knocked down.

 

He’s bleeding out quickly. He looks around to the others, but he can tell that they are all already dead. Another wave of pain erupts and he _laughs_. This is at least an interesting way to go. He never _did_ want to die a boring death. His laughter is interrupted by a fit of coughs, blood coming out.

 

He looked around for one last time. The floor is painted in blood of every color. It’s oddly beautiful, in it’s own way. Everyone is still and silent. Kankri raised his hand and looked at his mutant red blood, covering it from where he had it pressed to his stomach wound. His vision was filled with more and more black. He smiled, he knew he would be seeing his friends in the bubbles soon. It was only fitting that his death be the last, so he could die by himself, with no one around to add unnecessary chatter. He had always preferred silence.

 

He figured he should say something, though. Last words were always seen as important. With his eyes closed, Kankri decided there wasn’t much left to say. His death wasn’t permanent, but things would never be the same.

 

“Goodbye.”

 

He uttered this with the last of his strength.

 

He smiled as the world went completely dark.

 


	16. Chapter 16

 

A few perigrees had passed in the bubbles, and Kankri was glad he was finally getting the hang of living in them.

 

They were comprised of their memories of places they had been. Kankri’s own dwelling was far away from the others. He was happy for that, if nothing else. No one thought to wonder why only his was detached from the grouping of houses. They were probably just happy he was farther away.

 

He sat atop one of the more unimportant structures that existed in this place and watched the others from above. No one had noticed him there yet. He watched Porrim speaking calmly with Latula, while Cronus seemed to be making an attempt to push his way into their conversation to hit on one of them. Kankri aimlessly wondered which one it would be this time. He looked away and saw Mituna skating just a bit away from the others.

 

Kankri narrowed his eyes and twitched his hand slightly, causing a root to _mysteriously_ sprout up just a bit in front of Mituna’s path. He grinned as Mituna slammed into the root and flew forward, landing face first on the ground. He heard the jumbled swearing Mituna was yelling and had to control his sudden urge to giggle. He knew he wouldn’t have seen the root in front of him.

 

Kankri wondered why none of them had realized yet that you could bend the environment to your will if you just _remembered_ it. This place was built from memories, so it could also be manipulated by them. It was entertaining, if nothing else.

 

He watched as Latula went to help Mituna up, as she always did when he managed to injure himself. He could see the line of their bond without even having to squint. It was a bright red. Strained, in some parts. A bit frayed here and there, but still solid. He smiled a bit more wanly, but no less true. He was happy that she was happy. She had always been kind to him.  

 

He descended the building and strolled back in the direction of his home. It seemed to share characteristics from the house he lived in when he lived with his lusus, and the house he found after. He was quite fond of the combination, to be honest. It felt welcoming.

 

He stood outside of it and looked around. It was blocked off by trees and out of view of the others. He sat on the soft grass and looked around himself. The area was peaceful and still. He sighed. Kankri wondered what the future would bring here. How long would they be staying here, unaging? He knew they couldn’t die in the bubbles, as they were already ghosts, but he wondered if they would ever live again.

 

He closed his eyes and enjoyed the calmness surrounding him. He wondered where the breeze came from. If someone remembered the feeling of it or if it was just built it to the basic functions of this place. Kankri wondered what to what extent you could manipulate the environment. He went deeper into his memories and attempted to bring a certain one forward.

 

He opened his eyes and let out a delighted little laugh at what he saw. What was just grass before was now covered with bursts of bright red flowers. Kankri had almost begun to miss these flowers. He reached his hand forward slightly to softly brush a delicate petal and smiled as the flower seemed to lean into his touch and the vines seemed to be slowly wrapping around his hand. It was a soft grasp. It wasn’t to trap him there, only to welcome him. One flower detached into his hand and he smiled serenely at the delicate bloom before placing it into his hair. 

 

He grinned fondly at the flowers and got up carefully, so as not to step on any. He moved over to a patch where there weren’t any flowers and decaptchalogued his scythe. Kankri was happy to have the familiar and welcome weight of it in his hands. He laughed as the flowers around him seemed to _glow_ slightly in the presence of it. He swung it around carefully and sliced it through the air a few times slowly, before gradually gaining speed and getting more serious with his practice.

 

The motions he went through were familiar, having used them time and time again to train with his scythe. He had done research on the basic principles of fighting with a scythe, and how to practice using one. The rest he had developed by himself while he was alone on his planet. He didn’t want to fall out of practice with it.

 

He moved with it as he trained and felt more like he was dancing than keeping up his skill to fight if it became necessary. Kankri grinned through his careful moments, though, knowing that even if it seemed almost harmless, a single swipe aimed at the right spot could cleanly slice someone in half before they even realized they were in danger. His movements were quick and precise, and he decided that he should get some targets to practice on the next time he came out here to do this.

 

He spent the next few hours that way, dancing as one with the weapon that was bonded to his soul and _made_ to fit him, surrounded by bright glowing flowers and safe in the knowledge that he was far enough away from everyone that no one would hear his occasional bouts of laughter caused by pure joy and childish delight.

 

He thought it was funny how it seemed that he felt more alive now, as a ghost, than he had for quite a while before his death.

 

The flowers pulsed with light to the tempo of a drum.

 

Of a heart.

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

 

It was more difficult to keep track of the time passing in the bubbles.

 

Kankri had been using his new free time to experiment with his powers. He wanted to see the extent he could use his abilities to. Trial and error seemed to be the best way to test them fully. And the only way to test this _properly_ is to use the others as test subjects.

 

He leaned back against the tree and tightened his grip on his coffee cup slightly. From this vantage point he was close enough to see everyone, but not close enough to get swept up into whatever might unfold from this test. He also seemed more inconspicuous here.

 

He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again, the bonds between the others obvious to him now. He was glad using his Seer powers didn’t change his eyes or show that anything was happening at all. It was useful for situations like this where getting caught would be unfortunate. Kankri grinned.

 

_Time to experiment._

 

He watched for a decent opening. Kankri didn’t _have_ to wait for something to happen, but he wanted the effects to be obvious. So he had to wait until something interesting took place. He watched as Porrim and Meenah accidentally bumped into each other as their paths crossed. _Perfect_. Kankri envisioned what he wanted to happen and twitched his hand slightly to manipulate the bond between them. He watched as the pale white bond of platonic friendship changed shades rapidly. It turned to a dark gray, almost the color of a kismesitude.

 

Suddenly Meenah whirled to face Porrim. Clearly angry with the other. He watched as Porrim’s expression darkened as well.

 

“Watch where you’re goin’, Maryam!”

 

Porrim’s eyes narrowed. “Me? You’re the one who bumped into _me_!” she crossed her arms angrily.

 

Kankri hid his smirk behind his coffee. This was funnier than he thought it would be. It was also more _effective_ than he thought. He observed the argument between the two for a few more seconds before carefully setting their bond back to the pale shade of white it was before. He didn’t want to do any lasting damage to them, after all. This was only an experiment. Kankri made a silent promise to put all of the bonds back to their original state after he manipulated them.

 

Porrim and Meenah slowly stopped arguing and seemed to be apologizing to each other. Kankri looked for another opening. Kurloz and Meulin were standing next to each other by the fountain. Kankri peered at their bond and blinked in surprise. _Oh wow_. Their bond appeared to be severely unbalanced and frayed. The colors weren’t what they should be, either. Kankri slowly turned his eyes away.

 

 _Nope_. He thought.

 

 _Not getting involved in_ that _disaster, thanks._

 

He saw Rufioh and Cronus discussing something a bit further away and decided to use them for the next experiment he had in mind. He wanted to see if he could create one-sided bonds. He reached out with his power and turned Rufioh’s half of their bond red.

 

He watched as Rufioh turned and looked at Cronus with slightly widened eyes. Cronus hadn’t noticed the change in the others behavior yet. Rufioh was watching the other's lips as he spoke, seemingly smitten. Kankri frowned and quickly manipulated the bond back to the way it was. Rufioh looked around in surprise as though he had been woken from an odd dream.  

 

Why had he felt jealous from that? It didn’t make sense. Kankri looked down at himself and saw his own bonds to the others. He narrowed his eyes at the lines of color connected to him. The bond to Cronus was pink tinged on Kankri’s half. He hadn’t even _realized_ he felt something towards him.

 

Kankri looked at another of his bonds. It was connected to Porrim, and was a strong white color. It was a few shades away on her half from being a full blown moirallegiance color. His half of their bond was only a few shades weaker than hers. Porrim’s emotions were stronger, but Kankri was alarmed that he felt anything like that _at all_ towards her.

 

Relationships in _any_ quadrant weren’t safe for him. He had to remember that. She didn’t care about him, not really. She didn’t even know who he really was. And he was positive he came off as someone so irritating that no one could _really_ care about him. So she only _thought_ she was pale for him. And only because he was a mutant.

 

He was sure of it.  

 

Kankri reached forward to his own bonds, and in one decisive motion, sliced his hand downwards and cut his half on all of the bonds attached to him. Sentiment is a dangerous thing and he refused to fall prey to it. He let his power flow out and cut everyone else’s half of the bonds attached to him as well. He stopped at Porrim’s and Cronus’s though. Cronus was one of the few people that would actually listen when he spoke, and he didn’t want to lose that. Kankri just left Cronus’s half as it was. It was a normal friendship color anyway.

 

Porrim’s was trickier. He felt almost _bad_ manipulating their bond, but he couldn’t let it stay like it was. He sighed and just turned her half from the strong pale color it was to the light shade of white that just shows a slight friendship. He couldn’t bring himself to cut it completely. Cutting his half of it was fine, but it just felt wrong to cut her half as well. He respected her too much to do that to her. 

 

Kankri lowered his eyelids and decided to head home. He had the information he came for, after all. There was no reason to stay here. He took a sip of his coffee and laughed almost bitterly. It seemed like the coffee had gone ice cold to match the direction his mood had gone. He poured it out and went inside.

 

He needed sleep suddenly.

 


	18. Chapter 18

 

Countless sweeps had come and gone in the bubbles, and it was likely that only a Time player would know for sure _exactly_ how many had passed.

 

Kankri was tired.

 

He wasn’t _just_ tired in the physical sense. Not that he wasn’t also tired in that way, though. His nightmares had come back and made sleep almost nonexistent for him. No, _this_ exhaustion was mental. It permeated his entire _being_. Every day was the same thing, over and over. The cycle of their days repeating endlessly.

 

Kankri kept up appearances. He still went out and spoke to the others. He still gave speeches and lectured those he came across. But even _that_ had stopped being fun to him over time. He really only kept it up because of the promise he made to himself all those sweeps ago.

 

He had tried picking up hobbies to pass the time. His home was full of the evidence of the time he spent doing other things. He had a stack of canvases from when he took up painting. There was a shelf in his closet full of nothing but scarves from when he started knitting. The wall across from him was covered in marks from when he began practicing knife throwing.

 

But every hobby, no matter how much it interested him at the time, always lost its allure after a while. Sweeps would pass and he would grow weary of doing the same things each day. If he wasn’t already dead he was sure the monotony would kill him.

 

Every time he went out and ran into the others he made sure their bonds were still severed. Most of them stayed unattached to him, and he made sure his side of their bonds hadn’t returned. Porrim’s was more difficult, though. It continuously grew stronger, no matter how many times he dulled it.  

 

He sat on the floor with his back to the wall and ran a hand through his hair, frustrated with his train of thought. Why did she insist on caring? Why couldn’t she just leave him alone? He had pushed her away so many times. He was purposefully rude to her time and time again to keep her from getting too close. And yet after every conversation with her, the bond on her side grew stronger. And every time he had to put it back the way it was.

 

He squeezed his eyes shut and brought his knees closer to his chest. What was he supposed to do? Could he really keep this up for the rest of eternity, pushing everyone away like he was? Did he even want to?

 

He remembered the day so long ago that he gave up on others. The day he promised to never again be silenced on anything. To stay as distant and condescending as he possibly could. To make everyone _regret_ ever meeting him in the first place.

 

He made that vow after being treated as though he was _worthless_ time and time again by others. Just because he was a mutant, they thought he was weak and helpless. They acted like he was of little more worth than the average house pet. And it _pissed him off_. So he decided to become worse.

 

And so he did.

 

Over time he knew he became _exactly_ what he decided to become that day. And it was all he knew how to be now. Gone was the child who only wanted to learn new things and read all day. The one who just wanted to stay home with his lusus and eat sweets occasionally. He had been replaced by who Kankri was now. The boy had turned himself into a _poison_ to to keep others away. But the poison worked both ways, and he hadn’t realized it at first.

 

Kankri chuckled bitterly. All of this time he had been running off of anger. The rage that boiled quietly under his skin was the only thing that had kept him going. The others would probably be surprised if they found out, he imagined, that mild mannered Kankri could even feel that sort of anger. He had used that fury to keep moving forward. It had given him a purpose.

 

But now… now Kankri was _tired_. There was nothing to do anymore. The empire that had taken his lusus had been destroyed. There were only a handful of trolls left in the bubbles. The cause of his anger and hatred had been taken out. And now there was nothing left. There was nothing left to hone his anger into. No cause that he could actually work towards. There was just….. nothing.

 

And where did that leave him? If anger and hatred were what kept him going, what was he now that that very anger had simmered down? Who was he, if not angry? Was he anyone still, under his rage? Or had he gotten rid of who he really was long ago without even realizing it? Did it even matter at this point? He shook his head in an almost defeated manner. What was done was done and he couldn’t change it.

 

It wasn’t like he regretted his decision, though. If he had to do it again, he was sure he would. Being alone wasn’t something that really bothered him, either. It’s all he’s ever really been, after all. Alone has always been safe for him. It was always being around others that had messed things up for him in the past. It was other trolls who took him from his lusus, who teased him for being different, who looked down on him and acted like he _deserved_ the way they treated him _._  

 

Kankri let the back of his head hit the wall behind him with a dull _thump_ and looked bleakly up at his star-painted ceiling. He cast his eyes over to the vase on the table near him and let out a surprised but humorless bark of laughter at what he saw. He had taken to keeping a few of the flowers from outside around his home. It was easy to care for them, because they never needed food or water. Sunlight wasn’t something they needed either. They just stayed healthy and bright on their own.

 

Looking over now though, it was different. The once bright red petals had faded to a dull color. The stems drooped forward, seemingly unable to support their own weight anymore. The petals seemed dry and cracked. The flowers were lifeless.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Kankri didn’t know why he said it. It seemed like the right thing to say at the time though. He was reasonably sure the flowers were connected to him in some way, so their current state was probably his fault. His state of mind lately had probably been killing them slowly, if that was the case. He gave the flowers a watery smile before burying his face forward into his knees and slowly wrapping his arms around his legs.

 

He guessed it didn’t really matter who he was or wasn’t under his mask. It wouldn’t change anything. He was dead anyway. There was nothing of importance that he could do now. He gave up. Kankri wished he could just sleep the rest of his existence away, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to. As it was, his insomnia wouldn’t even let him get the _normal_ amount of sleep.

 

As he sat there, huddled into himself, Kankri Vantas did something he hadn’t done since he mourned his lusus all that time ago, alone in the forest.

 

He began to cry.

 

His sobs made no noise, and his cries stayed silent, but no less pain filled. He cried for what could have been, and he cried for what _had_ been. He wept softly as his hopelessness grew. There was nothing here for him. And there never would be. And there was nothing he could do about it.

 

With his face covered, Kankri didn’t see the flowers in the vase wilt forward more and more. The last of the life in them leaving.

 

He didn’t see the once beautiful petals begin to drift slowly down to the floor, weeping with him.

 

Weeping _for_ him.

 

_"I'm sorry."_

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

 

Kankri was now _far_ older than he ever thought he would be.

 

He sat casually perched near the top of one the trees, thankfully hidden from view. He was letting the other’s chatter wash over him like a calming background noise. He already knew what they were talking about, anyway. It was all _anyone_ had been talking about lately.

 

His dancestor and his friends had won the game, and in doing so, had created a new planet to live on after theirs had been destroyed. They apparently found a way to get them out of the bubbles and into the new world. The bubbles wouldn’t be habitable for much longer. The game being beaten had made them unstable, and they wouldn’t be safe to be in soon. They were likely to collapse in on themselves at this point, taking anyone still inside with them.

 

Kankri peered down at the others through his lashes. They all seemed excited about the new development. Eager to explore the new world and enjoy doing something different for once. Kankri absentmindedly took a sip of his drink and thought the situation over. After entering the new world, they would likely retain their powers and remain immortal. The prospect of being brought back to life so suddenly was a bit worrying, though.

 

He wasn’t sure what part of it seemed unnerving to him. From what he could tell, it was likely the fact that things were changing so _suddenly_. Kankri had grown used to the normal routine in the bubbles. Even if the repetition was almost too much for him sometimes, and he found himself having to stop himself from taking someone’s head and _smashing_ it into the side of the nearest hard surface. Occasionally that person being _himself_. It was still a safe pattern. There was never much to worry about when everyone just did the same things over and over.

 

Now, though, there would be change. A wrench had been thrown in the gears and Kankri couldn’t tell for the life of him tell if it was a good outcome. There were so many things that could potentially go wrong with this. So many variables that hadn’t been taken into account. The others had just accepted it at face value. And that was something he had never been very good at.

 

Kankri sighed. There weren’t any other options though. It wasn’t safe to stay in the bubbles, and the only place they could go would be the new world. From what he heard, it was a nice enough place, and there was more than enough room for them there. He guessed that would have to be enough for now. Still, though, he would miss the bubbles. While he had grown tired of them, the bubbles had been the most stable and safe place he’d lived so far.

 

He carefully made his way down the tree and back to his home. He wanted to look around a bit before he had to leave with the others. The flowers surrounding him all seemed to lean towards him, as though they knew that he was going to be leaving soon. He wished he could bring some of them with him, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to.

 

He went inside and looked around. He set his drink down on the table and walked to the back of the building, running his hands over surfaces as he went. It felt surreal to think he wouldn’t be coming back here.

 

He moved a picture frame to the side and chuckled almost fondly at what lay underneath it. A large gash marred the wall from when Kankri had lost his temper a few sweeps ago and had taken his frustrations out on the wall with his scythe. The picture that he had painted specifically to cover the mark was the reason he had gotten interested in art to begin with. It had been more fun to create than he had anticipated. It was too bad he lost interest in it after so many sweeps.

 

He looked around a bit more before sighing. There was no use putting it off anymore. He needed to go join the others now. It would be time to leave soon. If he didn’t go now, someone would most likely come looking for him. He took one last look around before heading back to the others. They likely had the portal open by now.

 

\-------

 

They stood in front of the newly opened portal, the mirrored surface shimmering in the light as it rippled. The chattering had ceased and everyone seemed to be eyeing the portal in interest. Meenah jumped through first, then the others followed one by one. Until Kankri was the only one left.

 

Kankri turned away from the portal to look back at what had been his and the others homes for so long. It seemed like another chapter in his life was closing. He just hoped that what happened now wouldn’t be a change for the worse. Things rarely worked out so easily for him though.

 

He remembered what he said before he came here all that time ago, as he lay dying. So with a slightly wry grin on his face at the irony that he would be saying farewell to this place with the same thing he said right before he got here, he spoke one last word to the open air.

 

“Goodbye.”

 

The word was spoken with a strong finality. It almost seemed to _echo_ back to him, as though this place was saying its goodbyes as well. He nodded decisively and turned back to the portal. He walked into it calmly, his earlier hesitation forgotten with the prospect of something _new_  to look forward to.

 

Kankri’s vision went white as he stepped into the new world.

 


	20. Chapter 20

 

Having been in this new world for only a few days or so, Kankri could only say that it was certainly _livelier_ here than in the bubbles.

 

Now that they were all living in the same building, things were a lot more hectic despite the large size of the house. The others argued at all hours of the day over the smallest of things. Bathroom use, fridge space, who got to watch the television and when. Kankri just waited until the early hours of the morning to shower and eat. No one else was really awake and walking around at that time, so it was perfect for his needs.

 

His insomnia hadn’t left. In fact it was probably worse now. You really didn’t need to sleep very often in the bubbles. Now that they were alive again, sleep was something their bodies needed more than they had in quite a while. Kankri had completely passed out more than once from a lack of sleep. Thankfully these instances had only occurred when he was already in his room. No one had yet noticed his trips to the kitchen to make coffee at 2 or 3 in the morning.

 

The others and their dancestors seemed to be getting along well enough. No one had been murdered yet, at any rate. Kankri’s thoughts drifted to his own dancestor. Karkat was loud when he was angry, which seemed to be often, and he wasn’t shy about telling someone when they were being stupid. His insults were creative and had more than once forced Kankri to leave the room in fear of laughing at something he said in front of the others. He seemed to be happier now though, than when Kankri had first met him in the bubbles. The bags under his eyes had lessened and he smiled more often.

 

Kankri was proud of his dancestor. Karkat was honest and kind in a way Kankri had never really managed. And, from what Kankri now knew of the troll in his dreams, Kankri was sure that the Signless would be proud of him too. Proud of his bravery and his loyalty to his friends.

 

Kankri considered talking to him instead of just _at_ him like he normally would, but he doubted it would go well. Karkat most likely disliked him quite a bit. Kankri had made sure of that when they first met, after all.

 

Kankri shook his head. Things were fine as they were. There was no reason to try making a change in the way he acted towards anyone. Even if he attempted being nice to someone, they would likely just think that he had gone temporarily insane or something of the sort. He sighed as he closed the book he had been holding and looked at the others in the room with him. He had been lost in thought for so long, he had forgotten they were there.

 

Rufioh, Cronus, and Meenah seemed to be looking for the remote from what he could hear of their conversation. As it was, they were looking under one of the recliners at the other end of the room. Kankri looked forward forward and pondered whether or not he should mention that the remote was on the coffee table in front of him. _Where it always was_. Why didn’t they think to look there first?

 

Kankri decided to say something. “Excuse me, but-”

 

Rufioh cut him off with a distracted wave of his hand. “Not now, dude. We’re looking for something. Can you lecture us on whatever it is later or something?”

 

Meenah laughed, “Or never, preferably.”

 

Kankri quirked an eyebrow at them before responding in an even tone, “Ah, my mistake. Another time then.”

 

He stood calmly to leave, but first reached forward and captchalogued the remote before turning to go. He rolled his eyes on the way back to his room.

 

 _Morons._   

 


	21. Chapter 21

 

Kankri blearily opens his eyes. It is the present day once again, and he can feel the eyes of everyone in the room on him.

 

He slowly sits up from where he had been knocked unconscious onto the couch as the others get up from where they had also collapsed. He tries to gauge the looks on the others faces. Shock seemed to be the prevalent emotion. Had they also seen the things he had? Had they just seen their own memories, or had they really seen _his_?

 

Judging by the looks on their faces, luck wasn’t on his side at this point.

 

_Fuck._

 

“KANKRI VANTAS.”

 

His eyes widened slightly as he watched Porrim approach. She did _not_ look pleased.

 

“How _dare_ you, Kankri! How fucking dare you!”

 

He eyed her warily. “You're going to need to be more specific at this point, Porrim.” he had a feeling he knew what she was talking about, though.

 

“You know exactly what I mean, Kankri! How dare you manipulate me like that! You altered the way I felt about you!” she narrowed her eyes at him. “You had no right to do that.”

 

“I know.” he replied calmly.

 

“Then why would you?” she demanded.

 

“You know _very well_ why I would.” he shot back, trying to keep his temper from flaring. “You _saw_ why yourself. Can we just talk about this later?”

 

Porrim glanced behind her at the others who were still staring at Kankri like they’d never seen him before. “Fine.” she conceded. “Later. But don’t you dare think you’re getting out of talking about this.”

 

“Wait a second, it was you!” Meenah interjected, a disbelieving grin on her face.

 

Kankri blinked in confusion. “What was?”

 

“You’re the one who krilled that guard at the institute!” Kankri internally rolled his eyes at the fish pun. “Man, that had the other highbloods going _crazy_ trying to keep it quiet. I heard about it before I ran away from the palace. They were _pissed_ that a mutant could pull something off like that.” Meenah seemed impressed.

 

Kankri felt the beginnings of a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Yes, well…” he cleared his throat and looked away. “Causing them trouble was just a positive side effect. I only wanted to get out of that place.”

 

“Uh huh.” said Meenah dryly, clearly not believing him. “And I’m shore you didn’t get any joy from krillin’ that guard. Or the other officer that came later.”

 

Kankri couldn’t say anything to that. She had a point, after all.

 

“The way you killed that second guy was kinda unnecessarily brutal though, wasn’t it?” Latula piped up. She didn’t sound judgemental at least. Only curious.

 

Kankri faltered. “Well, it wasn’t _that-_ ”

 

“You _tore_ his throat out." Porrim interjected blandly. "With your _claws_.” she crossed her arms as she watched him.

 

Kankri felt his face heat up. It wasn’t like he thought that anyone would _see_ that when he did it.

 

“I think we broke Kanks, guys.” Latula laughed. “I’ve never seen him turn that color before.”

 

“Oh, I don’t know, I think the color looks nice on him.” Cronus _leered_ at him.

 

Wait.

 

Oh no.

 

He saw his memories, _he knows._  

 

_Fuck._

 

Wow, Kankri had never realized how interesting the ceiling was. Absolutely fascinating. Truly.

 

His sudden focus on the ceiling had nothing to do with the fact that Cronus saw that Kankri’s feelings for him were _a bit_ more red tinged than they were supposed to be.

 

 _Completely_ unrelated.

 

Yep.

 

He heard Damara laugh from the other side of the room.

 

 _Well at least someone finds this amusing._ He thought bitterly.

 

He flicked his eyes back down to look at Latula, carefully avoiding looking at Cronus. “To answer your question, yes. It was most likely unnecessary to kill him in that way.”

 

Porrim uncrossed her arms and eyed him carefully. “The thing is, Kankri, I wouldn’t have thought you were able to kill anyone at _all_. Much less in _that_ manner.” she raised an eyebrow. “So why?”

 

“Why what?” he questioned.

 

“I’m asking why you killed them.” she stated. “Certainly you could have found a way that wouldn’t have involved anyone’s murder?”

 

He narrowed his eyes. “Perhaps I could have. I suppose there were enough variables that I could have eventually made my way out of the institute without harming anyone. And perhaps I could have struck a deal with that guard that found me, or maybe I could have just snapped his leg and escaped before he called for backup. But I didn’t.”

 

He took a breath before he continued. “I didn’t because I didn’t _want_ to. I _wanted_ them to die. Trying to find a way around killing them would have taken too long. If I had stayed at the institute, they would have eventually found a reason to drug me until I was _obedient_ enough for them. And I couldn’t take any chances when my future was on the line. They knew what they were doing when they took the jobs they did.”

 

“I killed them because they were in my way, and because they looked at me like I was worth less than the dirt on their shoes.” his gaze hardened as he spoke, his words quiet but full of the venom he had carried with him for so long. “I killed them because when it comes down to a choice between someone’s life and my freedom, _I will choose my freedom every time._ Only _I_ get a say in my life. _Nobody_ else gets to control me.”

 

He watched the others carefully, looking for any signs of disagreement. His eyes sliding over to his dancestor. Karkat looked as shocked as the others, but he also looked… impressed? There didn’t seem to be any of the disdain on his face that was normally present when he looked at Kankri.

 

 _Wow_ , he thought wryly, _who knew that the way to make someone stop hating you so much was to confess to some murders?_

 

Kankri sighed. "Okay, that's enough of this conversation for right now. Unless there's anything that urgently needs to be addressed, I need a break for a while. All of this seems to have given me a slight headache." 

 

“Well there is one last thing that needs to be addressed right now.”

 

Kankri turned to look at the one who spoke. It was Dave.

 

“And that is?” Kankri questioned cautiously. _What could he want?_

 

Dave’s poker face cracked as his lips pulled up into a small smirk. “You still have the remote, dude.”

 

Kankri blinked owlishly in shock before dissolving into a fit of delighted laughter, unable to help himself.

 

“You’re right.” he managed to say after the laughter had subsided a bit. He carefully decaptchalogued the remote before offering it out for Dave to take. “I had honestly forgotten I still had it with me.”

 

He watched, still amused, as Dave took the remote and tossed it onto the couch lightly.

 

The others had small smiles on their faces too.

 

Maybe this wouldn’t end too badly after all.

 

He could only hope.

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

 

Kankri blearily stared at the bowl of cereal in front of him. It was an oddly colorful cereal. Was food even supposed to come in these colors? It would probably get soggy if he didn’t eat it soon. He continued staring at it, making no move to eat it. He looked over to the pot of coffee he was brewing. It wasn’t quite done yet.

 

He blinked and tried to rub the sleep from his eyes. Ugh. It was _far_ too early to be awake. He had actually been sleeping soundly for the first time in _weeks_ , and was woken up from a crash on the other side of the house. Maybe he could sleep peacefully if he just killed everyone in the house? He _did_ still have his scythe after all…

 

Oh, right. Everyone in the house is currently immortal. There goes _that_ plan.

 

He distantly registered the beeping of the coffee machine. The pot was done. He slowly stood up and walked across the kitchen to it. He glanced between the coffee pot and the mugs before shrugging, foregoing the mugs and just grabbing the pot to drink out of before going to sit back down at the table.

 

He took a sip of the coffee. It was a bit too bitter and still pretty hot. It occurred to him that he should have added cream and sugar first, at least. Oh well. This was good enough for right now. He could just add that to the next pot he made. He took a bite of the cereal. Surprisingly, it wasn’t soggy. It also tasted just as colorful as it looked. Would it taste better if he poured some coffee into it?

 

Probably not.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

He looked up to meet the bewildered stares of Aranea and Meenah. When had they gotten here? Exactly _how_ exhausted was he that he didn’t even notice someone come in?

 

“What do you mean?” he answered calmly.

 

“I _mean_ ‘why the shell are you drinking out of the pot instead of using a cup’?” Meenah shot back.

 

Kankri blinked slowly. “Because I am extremely tired, and everyone in this house is too fucking loud.” he punctuated this sentence by taking another sip.

 

Both of their eyes widened as they leaned back slightly in shock.

 

“Wow, dude. Hearin’ you swear is so _weird_.” Meenah said.

 

Aranea nodded in agreement. “It _is_ rather odd to hear from you.”

 

Kankri shrugged. “Yeah, well…” he made a noncommittal gesture with his hand. There wasn’t really a point in finishing his sentence. They could already guess what he meant. That there wasn’t really a point in pretending anymore.

 

Ever since what had happened yesterday, he could _feel_ everyone looking at him differently. _Assessing_ him. It was… unnerving, to say the least. To have everyone so _suddenly_ aware of who you _really_ were. The things you had thought.

 

The things that you had done.

 

He had successfully avoided Porrim so far. _That_ was sure set to be a fun conversation at some point. Hopefully not today, at least. Maybe he could find an excuse to not be home today?

 

“So we realized something, Kankri.” Aranea said, interrupting his train of thought.

 

“Yes?” he questioned, cautiously.

 

“We realized that the game never would have started up if it weren’t for you.”

 

Kankri raised an eyebrow. “Well, _anyone_ could have refused and the game wouldn’t have started. It wasn’t just because I joined when I... otherwise wouldn’t have.” They all knew what he was referring to, anyway. The visions he saw of the end of Beforus the day he agreed to join.

 

“Yes,” interjected Aranea, “but you’re the only one who joined _knowing_ what would happen. You were the only one who realized it was _more_ than just a game. And what the outcome would be.”

 

It was too damn early in the morning for this conversation. Kankri grimaced, “And?” he asked, wondering where this was going.

 

“And we were wondering…” Aranea paused for a moment, trying to find a way to word it gently.

 

Meenah cut in. “We wanted to know _why_. Why’d you agree even though you knew it’d destroy Beforus?”

 

“Isn’t it obvious?” he asked flatly.

 

“We just want to hear _your_ account of it.” Aranea stated before Meenah could get the chance to say something rude. “We saw… quite a bit yesterday, that _is_ true, but it was a lot of information to process at once. So we thought asking you this would clear up some confusion?”

 

Kankri sighed and set his spoon down.  

 

“You want to know why I agreed to play a game I knew would destroy our planet? Alright, fine. It was because I _hated_ Beforus. And I hated everyone that lived on it as well.” he took another quick sip of the coffee, steeling himself to continue. “When I agreed to play, I agreed knowing that somehow, the end of Beforus wouldn’t kill me. But, honestly, I would have agreed even if I thought it _would_ kill me.”

 

Meenah’s eyes narrowed. “That’s pretty dark, dude.”

 

Kankri laughed humorlessly. “Is it? Tell me something. If I had decided not to agree to play the game, if the game had never been started… what do you think would have become of me eventually?”

 

Meenah opened her mouth to answer, but then closed it slowly with a thoughtful look dawning on her face.  

 

“Exactly.” Kankri said. He smiled tiredly. “If I had refused to join the game, I would have eventually been found out on Beforus. They would have realized I was a mutant, and they would have found an excuse to take me into custody and drug me ‘for my own good’. I would even possibly have been put under maximum security after they connected the murder of the guard to me.” he grit his teeth as he continued. “And after they deemed me sufficiently _domesticated_ enough, I would have been ‘adopted’ by a highblood. I would be little better than a _decoration_ to show off at parties.”

 

“I refused to let that happen. So I took the first option to get out that I could find, and I would do it again if I had to. Besides,” he continued, “if I hadn’t joined, our dancestors never would have existed. Or the humans, for that matter. Neither Alternia nor Earth would have ever been created and most, if not _all_ , of us from Beforus would have died from old age by now. So I guess some other good things _did_ come from my decision.”

 

Both Meenah and Aranea blinked owlishly back at him in surprise. It seemed they hadn’t realized the full implications of the choices he made. He watched as Aranea began to pull Meenah towards the door to leave the kitchen.

 

“Thank you for answering our question, Kankri. You’ve given us a lot to think over.” she then quickly exited with Meenah in tow.  

 

‘A lot to think over’. Right. A lot to gossip over was probably closer to the truth. In fact, it was likely that the others had put them both up to questioning him about this to begin with. And now they would go fill everyone else in on what he had said. Oh well. That was fine with him anyway. What did it really matter at this point?

 

He exhaled slowly and finished off the coffee before going to start a new pot.

 

At least things wouldn’t be boring for a while.

 


	23. Chapter 23

 

Kankri walked down the hallway towards his room. He hoped that maybe he could just hide out in there for a while and avoid having to speak with anyone today. If he was lucky, maybe everyone would just leave him alone for a few days.

 

“Hey, wait!”

 

He never _was_ very lucky though.

 

He stopped and turned around to face the one who spoke to him. Karkat and Terezi stood there, looking at him. Kankri must have walked by in the middle of a conversation between them.

 

“I want to talk to you.” Karkat said, looking unsure.

 

Kankri tilted his head slightly in confusion. Why would he want to talk?

 

“Alright.” Kankri responded cautiously.

 

“Hold on.” said Terezi. “Before you two go off to talk, I wanted to apologize.” she turned her serious gaze in Kankri’s general direction.

 

“I’m sorry about yesterday. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did. There’s not much I can do about it now, but I still wanted to say sorry.” Her voice was steady and she kept her hands folded lightly on top of her cane.

 

Kankri blinked in shock. He really hadn’t even been expecting anything _close_ to an apology. She didn’t even have her normal grin on her face. She must be serious about this. It was likely that her sense of justice wouldn’t let her get away without _some_ form of apology.

 

He offered up a tired smile. “It’s fine. I’m not really upset with you. It was an accident. Just…” he paused slightly. “I don’t know, just don’t do it again? I guess? Not that there’d be much else to see, but still.”

 

Terezi nodded solemnly before grinning widely. “Alright. One part I don’t regret though.” she stopped to sniff the air with a satisfied smile. “Your cherry red words smell a lot better when you actually mean them. Sincerity smells nice on you.”

 

Kankri’s eyes widened briefly in shock. “Um, okay.” he said. “I’ll… keep that in mind?”

 

All of Terezi’s sharp teeth were on display in her trademark grin now. “You do that.” she responded before turning to walk away, humming a tune as she went.

 

“Well alright then.” he said before he turned to look at Karkat, who was regarding him thoughtfully.

 

“So you wanted to speak to me about something?” Kankri ventured.

 

Karkat nodded and jabbed his thumb in the direction of his room. “Yeah, let’s go to my room.” he said.

 

Kankri inclined his head slightly in agreement and began following Karkat. So it seemed like he wanted to speak to him in private. What could he want to talk about?

 

He sat in one of Karkat’s chairs and watched as he closed his door and walked over to sit in the chair facing him. He seemed unsure of himself. He was looking at everything _but_ Kankri. Karkat shifted uncomfortably for a few more seconds, and when he finally spoke, it was too quiet to make out.

 

“Could you repeat that, please?” Kankri asked.

 

“I wanted to know,” Karkat began again, audibly this time, but still much softer than his normal volume, “I wanted to know if you _really_ thought that the Signless would be... proud of me.” he continued carefully avoiding Kankri’s gaze as his face flushed with embarrassment.

 

Kankri was startled. He hadn’t expected this sort of question from him _at all_. He felt his gaze soften considerably as he watched his dancestor. Karkat looked oddly small sitting there, as though he was waiting to be told that Kankri didn’t _actually_ think so.

 

It struck Kankri suddenly, just how _young_ Karkat was. Karkat had survived on a planet where being a mutant meant instant death upon being discovered, and he stayed strong despite it. Where Kankri had become angry and bitter, Karkat had become… well, still _angry_ , but also loving and caring. And while Kankri had closed himself off to protect himself, Karkat dared to stay open to everyone and to _care_ about his friends, even though any of them could have chosen to turn on him the moment they found out his blood color.

 

Kankri suddenly wanted nothing more than to hug Karkat. He wanted to comfort him, to make him stop looking so lost and unsure of himself. It wasn’t _pale_ affection he was feeling. It was different from that. It felt like… like what the humans called a ‘familial bond’.

 

How odd.

 

“Karkat.” he began softly, “I wish he could be here to tell you himself, but I guess I’ll have to do.” he carefully put his hand on Karkat’s shoulder, noting the shocked look the other gave him at the action. “Karkat, he would have been _so proud_ of you. You stand for _everything_ he promoted and I don’t think he could have _asked_ to have a better descendant. You’re a mutant that proved that blood color _doesn’t matter_ when it comes down to it. Your friends respected you as a leader even _after_ they found out what your blood color was, and none of them even _thought_ to treat you differently, because _you_ were _you_.”

 

“You managed to become a good person, despite everything. Karkat, I can honestly say that you represent everything he wanted for the world, and that he would have been _beyond_ proud of you.” Kankri paused for a moment, before continuing hesitantly, “And he wouldn’t be the only one. For what it’s worth, _I’m_ incredibly proud of you too.”

 

He looked down to meet Karkat’s gaze and was shocked to see tears forming in his eyes. Kankri began to backtrack internally. _Why is he crying? Did I say something wrong? Oh no._

 

Kankri opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, but before he could, he was cut off by Karkat darting forward and _clinging_ to him in a hug. Kankri was bewildered. No one had hugged him since… well. No one had ever really hugged him, had they? He listened to Karkat’s sniffling for a few seconds more before slowly returning the hug.

 

Karkat’s face was still buried in Kankri’s fluffy sweater. Kankri held on to him a little tighter, not wanting to let go just yet. Karkat’s grip on him was crushing.

 

Karkat said something, but it was muffled through the sweater. Kankri laughed.

 

“I can’t understand you, Karkat. You’ll have to take your face out of my sweater first.”

 

“I _said_ ,” Karkat repeated, as he pulled away slightly, his eyes a bit red from crying, “that for what it’s worth, I’m proud of you too, jackass.”

 

Kankri blinked down at him in shock. “I… really?” he hadn’t expected to hear anything of the sort from him. It seemed like today was just _full_ of surprises.

 

“Yes really. I wouldn’t fucking say it if I didn’t mean it.” Karkat huffed. “You aren’t as awful as you pretend to be. And you never let anyone give you shit for being a mutant. I know we weren’t supposed to see your memories, but I’m glad I did. Before I saw them, I thought Beforus was supposed to be some kind of fucking _utopia_ , and you were just talking badly about it for no reason.” Karkat’s eyes darkened as he continued. “But it wasn’t. Both Alternia _and_ Beforus treated lowbloods and mutants like shit, they just did it in different ways. I grew up hearing about the Signless, so I always had someone to look up to. I had stories about him that told me that society _wasn’t_ right. And that I didn’t deserve to be treated the way I was.”

 

Karkat’s gaze met with Kankri’s and stayed there. He looked determined to get his message across. “But _you_ never had those things.” he continued. “You were alone from the beginning. You did everything by yourself, without any guidance, because you _knew_ you deserved better. You refused to go with the flow and let them control you. You stood up for yourself time and time again where others would have backed down without a fight.”

 

“So _of course_ I’m proud of you.” Karkat finished with a sniffle. His face never once losing its seriousness. “Only an idiot wouldn’t be.”

 

Kankri was speechless. “Well, that’s…” his eyes were becoming watery, much to his shock. He quickly tried to scrub away the oncoming tears with his sleeves to almost no avail.

 

Kankri buried his face into his sleeves, doing his best to halt the tears. Even when he had cried before in his life, it had never been _in front of someone else_. He had always waited until he was alone. But he had never thought that anyone would ever be _proud_ of him. 

 

“Hey, why are you hiding?” Karkat demanded. “Did you not just see me bawl my goddamned eyes out? We’re _both_ being weepy idiots right now, you don’t have to hide your face.”

 

Kankri almost started laughing at Karkat’s version of comforting. What was odd, though, was that it was actually working a bit. He still kept his face firmly hidden in his sleeves, however.

 

He could almost feel Karkat’s eyeroll as he continued. “Fine, _don’t_ stop hiding then. I guess I’ll just have to keep you company until you feel better.” Karkat then wrapped his arms around Kankri again in a comfortable hug. “How am _I_ the more mature one right now? Honestly.” he complained, not really meaning it.

 

Kankri laughed lightly through the tears. Oh yes. He was extremely proud indeed.

 

  
He also wasn't planning on moving for quite a while.

 


	24. Chapter 24

 

Well, he had managed to evade this for as long as was physically possible without an injury occurring. As it was, he was happy that Porrim’s grip on his arm hadn’t crossed into _painful_ yet. She had marched into the living room (where he had been looking for a book he lost a few days prior) and had, without speaking, grabbed his arm and _pulled_ him after her.

 

Looks like he couldn’t avoid this talk any longer.

 

At least she hadn’t decided to pull him by his ear. He suppressed a smile at the mental image. He had to be careful not to laugh right now, though. He severely doubted that it would help her mood if he did. He was lucky he had so much practice with masking his emotions or he would have outright _giggled_ at the determined look on her face when she grabbed him. He would have followed her if she had just _asked_ , but where was the fun in her knowing that?

 

He dutifully walked with her as she led him to her room. She waited until he was in the room before locking the door and turning to face him. She pointed to a comfortable looking pile of clothing fabrics on the floor in the corner of the room.

 

“Sit.” she demanded.

 

He could tell by the tone of her voice that arguing wouldn’t get him anywhere. He nodded neutrally and sat carefully at the edge of the pile. She watched him for a few more seconds before walking over to join him, sitting a comfortable distance away.

 

She folded her hands in her lap and spoke clearly, “I want to be your moirail.”

 

Well.

 

He had expected something like that. He hadn’t expected her to just come out and _say it_ like that though. Maybe she had realized that it was easier to deal with him when you just spoke bluntly. Either way, he wouldn’t agree to something like this so easily.

 

“I don’t think-” he started.

 

“Wait.” she said, cutting him off, “Before you make your decision, we should talk about this first. And also… there’s something I need to say.”

 

He raised an eyebrow. _What could she want to say?_

 

“And that is?” he asked, curious despite himself.  

 

She met his gaze and held it. She seemed incredibly serious about this.

 

“I wanted to apologize.”

 

Kankri blinked. That was… unexpected.

 

“For what?” he asked. What could she even have to apologize for?

 

She took a breath before she started. “Because you were right when you thought that I was treating you differently because you were a mutant. I’m not saying that that was the reason that I wanted to get closer to you, but I _will_ admit that it was partially why I acted more like a lusus than a friend to you most of the time. And that was wrong of me. I shouldn’t have let something like that color my opinion of you. So I apologize for ever treating you as though you were somehow _any less_ capable than anyone else. I see now that you can _more_ than handle yourself.”

 

Kankri opened his mouth before shutting it again quickly in shock.

 

After growing up as a mutant on Beforus, he had _long_ since accepted that no one would acknowledge any of their prejudices against him. Much less _apologize_ for them. So this…

 

This was…

 

“Oh.” he finally managed to say. He ran a hand through his hair and felt his shoulders sag, most of the fight leaving him. “Thank you, Porrim. That… means a lot to me.” he offered up a tired smile. It meant more than he would ever give voice to, _that_ was for sure. 

 

“Actually,” he began, determined now, “I should apologize as well.”

 

Now _she_ was the one who looked confused. “For what, Kankri?”

 

He wondered where he should even start.

 

“I shouldn’t have judged you as harshly as I did, and I shouldn’t have assumed that you _only_ wanted to be around me because I was a mutant. I’m sorry for distancing myself so much from you and everyone. I was just…” he sighed as he continued. He was in too far to stop now, he guessed. “I was just _so_ used to being viewed as though my blood color was my only defining factor. As though that was all I was, and that I couldn’t _possibly_ take care of myself alone. It pissed me off quite a bit, actually, always being seen that way. So I thought that there wasn’t a point in ever getting close to anyone if they were always going to treat me as though I was little better than a helpless wriggler or something.”

 

He delicately picked lint off of his sleeve as he continued. “I suppose I should have talked to you about this instead of manipulating our bond for so long. I guess I was just afraid.” he smiled sadly. “I’ve basically been alone my whole life, you know? And I was so _angry_. I was so angry _all the time_. I never really _stopped_ being angry about my lusus being killed. That’s… well. I’ll probably always be at least a little angry about that, honestly.”

 

“So I just started _hating_ everyone. And it _helped_. Hating everyone was _so much_ easier than trying to make everyone see reason. And so I shut myself off. Because being alone has always been _safe_ for me. Every time something had gone badly in my life, it was because other trolls got involved. So I learned to only ever trust myself.”

 

"It doesn’t have to be you against the world anymore, Kankri." she said suddenly, "You _can_ trust other people now. We've all seen who you really are, so there's no reason to hide at this point."

 

His teeth clenched. He hated just how much they _did_ know of him now. He couldn't even deny how he viewed them, or himself. He could only be truthful now. Could only be honest with his bitterness, his long standing loneliness, his seething _anger_.

 

He narrowed his eyes. "I did not _choose_ to show you all my memories. This is _not_ something I wanted." His words came out as almost a hiss, "What I _wanted_ was to keep doing what I was doing because it was comfortable and _secure_ , but that was taken from me _without_ my permission. Do _not_ presume to tell me what I should and should not be doing right now. _No one_ has that right but me." his hands were clenched tightly out of frustration, his nails digging into his skin and drawing blood.

 

Her face softened. She moved forward silently and lightly took his hand in hers and eased it open. He looked down and blinked at the blood on his hand. He hadn't even realized that it had happened.

 

She looked up at him, and he was surprised to see no judgement on her face. "Kankri, you're right. Only _you_ can decide what to do now. But for the record, I _am_ glad to know the real you now. And the fact that you do things like _this_ ," she said gesturing at his hand vaguely, "without thinking, so that I can help out a little." she punctuated her statement by getting the first aid kit from the corner of the room and bringing it over to gently bandage his hand.

 

Kankri blinked in surprise. "Oh… Porrim, you don’t have to-"

 

Porrim cut him off, "I know I don’t _have_ to. But I _do_ want to. You're important to me Kanny." A playful smile flits onto her face as she works, "I'm happy to see now that I'm important to you as well. You think pretty highly of me, huh Kankri?" she patted the newly bandaged hand gently before letting go. He groaned.

 

"Oh no. You all have _way_ too much information to mock me with now." _It was bad enough when they didn’t know anything about me_ , he thought wryly, _what am I going to do now that they have this much information on me?_

 

"Speaking of which," Porrim said, her grin growing, "how about we talk about this crush you have on Cronus? You _really_ like his hair when its down, don’t you Kanny?"

 

His eyes widened in alarm and he stood up suddenly, walking towards the door in a rather hurried manner. "I'm afraid I have no idea what you're speaking of, Porrim. And as much as I would _love_ to continue this conversation further, I've suddenly remembered that I have to be somewhere else immediately." he turned to open the door but stopped when Porrim spoke up again, _audibly_ doing her best to keep the laughter out of her voice.

 

“Wait!” she called.

 

He turned to look at her. She had her hand over her mouth to cover her grin. _At least she’s making an effort._ He thought dryly.

 

“We haven’t finished talking, come back. I _promise_ not to keep teasing you.”

 

He sighed and walked back over, sitting back in his spot on the pile.

 

“Thank you.” she said, regaining her composure. “Now we need to discuss being moirails.” she paused slightly. “If you decline being my moirail, I _will_ understand and respect your decision. You’re under no obligation to agree unless _you yourself_ want to. I want to make sure that I make that _completely_ clear. I’ll still be your friend no matter what you choose, Kankri.”

 

She smiled softly and sincerely at him as she continued. “But if you’ll let me, I’d like to be your moirail, Kanny. I want to be there to offer help when you need it, and to be there to listen when you need to talk or to just sit in silence together.”

 

“I want to be someone you can rely on. Because you need someone to be _there_ for you. You’ve been _so_ strong for so long, and you’ve done _everything_ by yourself. I want to help you now, so that you don’t _always_ have to shoulder everything alone. You’ve done what others couldn’t have in your place. You’ve gone through things at an age where the decisions you faced would have even made _older_ trolls give up. But you never did.” her smile widened. “Kankri, you faced impossible situations over and over and you never _once_ considered just giving up and letting them win. You’re more capable than any of us ever realized.”

 

“So if you’ll let me… I’d like to be your moirail, Kankri. I think we balance each other out well, actually.”

 

Kankri stared down at his hands silently in thought. As it was, he couldn’t think of a _single_ reason to refuse her. He was incredibly touched by her words, and the sincerity in them. He could tell that she _really_ meant what she said.

 

“I…” he said when he finally spoke. “I would like to try. Being moirails with you, that is. It sounds… nice.” he finished softly, a small smile on his face.

 

“If you really want this to happen, then I’ll do my best too.” he said as he met her eyes almost bashfully. “I don’t want this to only be a one way thing. I want to help you when you need it as well, Porrim. A moirailship should be balanced, and I want to be there for you too.”

 

“So I accept.” he finished simply. _I hope this goes well._  

 

Porrim looked happier than he had ever seen her. “May I hug you?” she asked.

 

Kankri blinked. She was the first person to ever bother to _ask_ before touching him. He smiled. “Yes. And… you don’t have to ask before you touch me. The reason I hated people touching me _before_ was because it always made me think of the people at the institute that would touch me like I _belonged_ to them or something. I know it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, and that they never took it to severely _inappropriate_ places, but it was still…” he paused and made a face at the memory before continuing. “But I _do_ trust you, Porrim, so you don’t need permission.”

 

Porrim nodded seriously at his words before wrapping him up in a warm hug. “I’ll keep that in mind, Kanny. And I’ll do my best not to betray that trust. After all, what kind of jerk would purposefully hurt their moirail?” she seemed to _beam_ at the last word.

 

Kankri chuckled. He was happy this decision was bringing her so much joy. Suddenly, he was struck with a thought.

 

He focused his power into his eyes _just_ enough to awaken his vision of bonds. He looked between them and smiled at what he saw. Glowing between them was a pure white bond. It was a bit shaky, due to how new it was, but it was _remarkably_ solid. It was definitely a good match, to be _this_ strong so quickly.

 

He made a silent vow to himself to never tamper with it. Whatever happened between them now would happen on it’s own.

 

He hugged Porrim back tightly, happy with his decision.

 

 


	25. Chapter 25

 

“Will you help me with something?”

 

Kankri looked up from his book at the request. Karkat was standing in his doorway, looking hopeful and slightly unsure of himself.

 

“What is that you want help with?” Kankri asked, tilting his head curiously and gesturing for Karkat to come in.

 

Karkat hesitantly made his way into Kankri’s room and closed the door before turning to look at him again. He took a fortifying breath before he began.

 

“I want to get better at using my powers, and you’re the only other Blood player I know. _And_ you seem to be the one with the most knowledge about what you can do with your abilities.”

 

Kankri blinked. “So you want me to teach you what I know?” he supplied.

 

Karkat nodded. “Yeah. Unless this is some huge fucking inconvenience to you, then nevermind I guess.” he crossed his arms self consciously.

 

Kankri smiled indulgently at his dancestor. Karkat had warmed up to him quite a bit in his own way lately. Especially after their talk the other day. But he hadn’t quite seemed to grasp yet how fond Kankri was of him. He doubted he could deny his younger dancestor any sort of request.

 

“It’s no bother.” Kankri stated gently. “Actually,” he said with a small grin as he shut his book and put it down, “I’ve been getting pretty bored lately. This sounds like it could be interesting.”

 

He watched as Karkat walked in and sat down. “Is there anything in particular you would like to learn first?” he questioned.

 

Karkat shrugged. “I don’t really know anything about what I can and can’t do, honestly.”

 

“Well,” Kankri started, “why don’t we begin with our shared aspect?”

 

He looked at Karkat’s nod of agreement before he began, thankful of his practice at speaking for long lengths of time without tiring. “Aspects can actually mean far more than just one thing. So, Blood is generally the aspect of the bonds between beings, as you know. But it can _also_ mean when someone is extremely attached to an object and a bond is formed on their half. The bond I share with my scythe is a bit of a special case, due to the object itself also being bonded to me. It can also mean actual blood.” he gestured with his hands as he spoke. “For example, when I saw the end of Beforus before it happened. It was likely because of the large amount of blood that would be spilled. I saw the residents of Beforus with the wound they would die with on them, so Blood could also mean the last injury before the end of your life.”

 

“Now as far as I can tell, everyone has at least the _slight_ ability to manipulate their aspect. That’s why I can do slight manipulations in bonds. But you will always be strongest in the area of your class. As a Seer, my vision of bonds and blood is clearer than it would be for anyone else. Whereas you, as a Knight, would be better at protecting others with bonds and blood.”

 

“How the _hell_ could I protect anyone with that?” Karkat interrupted, obviously irritated at his own lack of obvious power.

 

“Actually,” began Kankri calmly, “I have a few theories as to the different ways your power could manifest itself.” he grabbed a pencil and began writing something down in the notebook in front of him. “In theory, a Knight of Blood could actually be quite the force to be reckoned with.”

 

“What?” Karkat questioned, shocked. “How?”

 

Kankri smiled. “Well, for one, do you remember how my scythe was made?”

 

“Uh…” Karkat furrowed his brow in concentration. “Wasn’t it made out of blood by that library on your world that was _somehow_ _alive_ and those weirdass red blood flowers?”

 

“First of all,” Kankri pointed at Karkat with his pen, still looking down at his notebook, “don’t insult my flowers. Second of all, yes, it was made using the metal found in blood.”  

 

“So, what?” scoffed Karkat, “Am I supposed to cut my hand to bleed out enough blood for a weapon or something?”

 

“Well,” Kankri said mildly, “you _could_. I wouldn’t suggest it though. Not unless it was some sort of life or death emergency. I doubt blood loss would be much of a problem for you, given your current state of immortality, however it would likely still leave you incredibly weak while your body tries to replace the lost blood.”

 

“What I was _actually_ going to suggest,” he continued, “is really a few different possibilities. One thing that you could possibly do is use an enemy's blood against them. Another is that you could perhaps find a way to utilize any blood that might be in the area. Even a few drops of blood on the ground could potentially be used to create spikes or something to slow an enemy down. If you master the ability to utilize blood while fighting well enough, you could likely even stop the blood from flowing to an enemy’s heart if need be.”

 

Karkat gaped at Kankri.

 

 _Oops_ , thought Kankri dryly, _I forgot that people aren’t used to me being this openly ruthless yet._

 

_Oh well. Nothing I can really do about that._

 

“It’s unlikely you’ll ever need this information, however. The game has ended and things seem to be relatively peaceful here. Are you sure you would like me to continue teaching you about this?” Kankri asked cautiously.

 

Karkat nodded slowly, before seeming to shake out of his daze and nodding once more, resolve strong on his face. “Yeah. I know the game is over, but I want to be ready in case something happens. I don’t want to be useless this time if something goes wrong.”

 

Kankri smiled at the answer. “You’ve never been useless, Karkat. But I _do_ understand the sentiment of wanting to prepare for any situation. That frame of mind has come in handy for me a lot over the years, actually.”

 

“Very well.” Kankri nodded. “We will continue then. Actually, I do have a suggestion for a weapon, if you’d like.”

 

“Really?” Karkat asked. “What is it?”

 

Kankri looked thoughtfully up at the ceiling as he spoke. “When I said that using your blood to create a weapon wouldn’t be a good idea, I _did_ mean that. However, I was referring to trying to do it all at once. If you try to space it out, it would be better for this in the long run. Now, keep in mind that a Knight will always be stronger when protecting something or someone. So, if you use not only yours, but also use some blood from the ones you wish to protect, the power of the weapon you craft would heighten exponentially.”

 

Karkat’s eyes widened in shock. “I could do that? Really?” he paused suddenly. “Wait, how the hell am I supposed to get blood from them? I can’t just randomly start asking for _blood donations_. They’ll think I’ve gone more fucking crazy than usual!” he looked irritated at the prospect.

 

Kankri rolled his eyes. “Karkat, just explain _why_ to them. Even if they say no, your friends will at least understand your reasoning. In fact, I doubt that most of them would even turn you down.”

 

Karkat grimaced. “Yeah, alright alright. Actually,” he looked at Kankri now, warily, “would you give some as well? I mean,” he began to backtrack, embarrassed suddenly, “you don’t have to, obviously. I was just-”

 

“Yes Karkat.” Kankri interjected with a small smile. “I would be honored.” he placed a hand lightly on the top of Karkat’s head in a calming gesture.

 

Karkat looked up at him in a mock irritated fashion. “Hey don’t go getting weirdly pale on me. That’d be like incest or something.”

 

Kankri laughed in amusement. “I’ll have you know that I have an _actual_ moirail now, and I don’t plan on cheating on that anytime soon.” he said, playing along.

 

Karkat raised an eyebrow. “Oh, so you finally got your shit together with your Maryam? Fucking took you long enough, huh?” he said dryly.

 

Kankri felt his face heat up slightly as he put more force into the hand he still had on Karkat’s head to ruffle his hair. “ _Brat_.” he muttered affectionately, before removing his hand and returning to the previous conversation.

 

“Well, you won’t really need too much blood, because your powers will be giving it most of its physical matter, I think. But still try to fill at least a few bowls with it by tomorrow, and then I’ll do my best to help after that. I believe that there are enough people living here that getting that much blood shouldn’t be too much of an issue.”

 

“Okay.” Karkat said. “Also… thanks, I guess.” he looked unsure of himself again.

 

Kankri smiled reassuringly at him. “It’s no problem, Karkat. Like I said, this is actually pretty interesting for me. And after the weapon is made, I can teach you a few other things I know, if you’d like.”

 

Karkat nodded. “Okay, that sounds good. I’ll try to get everything ready for tomorrow then, I guess.” he turned and made his way out of Kankri’s room, closing the door after him.

 

Kankri leaned back in his chair, thinking about what could happen tomorrow.

 

_I guess I’ll just have to wait and see._

 

 


	26. Chapter 26

 

Kankri waited for Karkat to join him in the small field behind the house. It was surrounded by trees and would be perfect for what they had planned for today. Karkat had managed to fill three medium sized mixing bowls with the donated blood from nearly everyone in the house.

 

Kankri lied down on the grass and watched the clouds pass by as he waited for Karkat to bring the third and final bowl out. He ran his hands through the soft grass and was happy that the sun was currently blocked out by a few large clouds. He had forgotten the calming effect nature had on him. Most, if not _all_ , of his time lately had been spent indoors. Maybe he should wander out and explore this world more often? He might even find a peaceful spot to read. Hmm.

 

Making a weapon this way wasn’t guaranteed to work. Kankri had made sure to inform Karkat of that, to save him of any overly high expectations in the event that nothing came out of this. Kankri’s scythe had been created during the game by the library, whereas Karkat was attempting to create a weapon after the game ended _and_ was lacking any sort of actual molding to shape the weapon he would create. Kankri had a good feeling about this though, and he had long ago learned to trust his instinct on these things.

 

“You’d _better_ not be fucking sleeping right now, asshole!”

 

Ah, it seemed Karkat had returned.

 

Kankri sat up with a smirk. “I’m awake, don’t worry.” he brushed the stray bits of grass off of himself and stood up, walking calmly over to meet Karkat.

 

“So…” Karkat paused and looked up at Kankri. “What do we do now?”

 

 _Well_ , Kankri thought, _time to see if I was right back then._

 

“ _Now_ , we make use of something I’ve had with me for an _extremely_ long time.” Kankri said before walking to the center of the field and decaptchalogueing what, at first glance, appeared to be a normal large flat rock. At closer inspection however, it had a slight dip in the middle.

 

Karkat looked at him blankly. “What the fuck.” he said eventually, confusion evident on his face.

 

Kankri laughed lightly. “Do you remember the large stone slab that created my scythe?”

 

“Yeah.” Karkat said slowly. “But didn’t that whole thing blow up? And isn’t this is a lot smaller than that thing anyway?”

 

Kankri nodded. “It _did_ blow up, yes. However, I got _this_ one day when I decided to go back to the library. I don’t really remember why I went back now, though. It was likely that I just wanted to see if there was anything else of interest in there.” he shrugged as he continued. “Anyway, when I went back down towards where my scythe was created, I found this in the rubble. I’m not entirely sure why, but it seemed… oddly important? I just got the feeling that I would need it for some reason one day. So I captchalogued it, and sort of just forgot about it over the years. I actually only remembered I had it last night after you made your request.” Being a Seer _really_ had its perks sometimes. Like knowing when something would be useful later. More often than not, he was happy that his title was what it was.

 

Karkat opened his mouth before slowly shutting it again, shaking his head slowly. “Alright then.” he said finally. “What do I do with it?”

 

“I would suggest pouring the blood you got into it.” Kankri said. “It _should_ be able to hold all of it.”

 

Karkat nodded hesitantly before starting to slowly pour the blood onto it, careful not to spill any.

 

“Now what?” Karkat asked as he finished pouring.

 

“Now… hmm. Well, I suppose you should place your hands over the rock and envision what you want to happen. Try to build up as much aspect energy as you can manage first.”

 

“Okay.” Karkat agreed as he sat in front of the rock with his hands positioned over it.

 

Kankri watched as Karkat’s closed his eyes and sat silently for a few moments. His face tightened slightly in concentration. Then Kankri noticed a faint red energy begin to surround Karkat.

 

Karkat slowly opened his eyes but nearly flinched in shock when his eyes found Kankri.

 

“Why is there so much blood on you?” he breathed out. He seemed as though he was almost… _afraid_. But of what?

 

Kankri blinked owlishly in startled confusion. “Why is there wha-?” Kankri stopped suddenly when he realized what Karkat must be seeing.

 

Oh.

 

“ _Oh_.” he said softly. “Karkat, what you’re seeing isn’t real. Not anymore, at least. Do you remember when I said that Blood can mean more than one thing?”

 

Karkat nodded slowly, slightly mollified at the reassurance that the blood wasn’t real, but still cautious.

 

“Well, right now, I believe you’re seeing the blood that’s metaphorically on my hands.” he smiled wanly. “I’ve seen it before too, when I was testing my powers to see what I could and couldn’t do. It was _quite_ a surprise to me then, to suddenly look down and see cerulean and purple blood coating my hands. Especially considering that it didn’t _feel_ like anything. I remember that I didn’t try using my powers again for quite a while after that.”

 

“But wait.” Karkat said, his eyebrows furrowed. “That isn’t the only blood I see on you. There’s a _huge_ fucking red stain on your stomach. What the hell happened there?”

 

Kankri laughed humorlessly. “I died, Karkat. _That's_ what happened. You’re seeing the wound that killed me when we used that bomb to initiate the Scratch.” he put his hand over his midsection, feeling a phantom pain at the memory.

 

“Oh.” Karkat murmured quietly. “Sorry.”

 

Kankri sighed and shook his head. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. It was a long time ago.” he returned his hand to his side and continued speaking. “You seem to be building up energy nicely, though. Try to redirect it towards what you want it to accomplish now, if you can. It might help if you focus partially on the desire to protect.” he suggested.

 

“I’ll _try_ , I guess.” Karkat said as he closed his eyes again and placed his hands over the stone once more.

 

Nothing happened for a few minutes as they sat there, then suddenly, Kankri noticed a change. The energy that had been building in the air _spiked_ suddenly. Karkat’s features smoothed over slowly, the tension easing out of his frame. His hands raised slightly and the blood began to rise as well. His eyes remained closed as his hands wove through the air gracefully, the blood following his movements in a swaying motion. He seemed to be going on instinct now.

 

The blood began to weave through Karkat’s fingers. The energy started to glow around his hands as they wove through the air. The blood began to glow softly as well, slowly glowing brighter to match the light of his hands.

 

Karkat made a few sudden and decisively sharp movements and the blood responded, seeming to slowly take form. His hands moved faster and the blood formed into an almost solid mass, floating in the air. The glow surrounding his hands dimmed slightly and the blood began glowing brighter. His hands ceased their movements but the glowing mass continued spinning in front of him. It split suddenly into two equal parts, now floating slowly in front of him. Their brightness was still slowly and steadily increasing. Kankri had to squint at the harshness of the light.

 

Karkat reached forward with his eyes still closed, and the two halfs floated into his grasp. He closed his hands around them and with a large and final slashing motion through the air, the glow reached its peak before leaving all at once, as though it had never been there to begin with.

 

Kankri’s eyes widened in shock. The two masses had formed into two impressively crafted sickles, made of the same dark metal as Kankri’s scythe.

 

They looked deathly sharp as well.

 

Karkat slowly opened his eyes and peered down at his hands. “I did it?” he asked disbelievingly.

 

“You did.” Kankri supplied with a grin.

 

“ _Holy shit_ , I did it!” Karkat exclaimed in wonder. A delighted smile stole across his face as he tested the sharpness of the blades and gave them a few test swings around. “ _Hell_ yeah.”

 

Kankri was happy to see the childlike wonder on Karkat’s face as he tested the weapons.

 

“Well,” said Kankri, “if they’re anything like mine, then they were made to fit you. So they should be really easy for you to use.”

 

Karkat nodded happily, twirling them around his hands.

 

“I’m glad you like them, Karkat.” Kankri said. “I had a feeling this would work out.”

 

Karkat looked up and offered up a hesitant smile. “Thanks. For helping me with this, I mean.”

 

Kankri shook his head. “It was nothing.”

 

“It was a hell of a lot _more_ than nothing.” Karkat stated dryly. “I appreciate it. Really.”

 

Kankri felt his face heat up slightly. He cleared his throat and pointedly ignored the amused look on Karkat’s face. “Either way,” he said, “you should practice with them on some targets. Just until you get a feel of them.”

 

Karkat nodded thoughtfully. Then he looked up at Kankri considerately. “Spar with me.” he said.

 

Kankri blinked. What? “Now?” he asked incredulously.

 

Karkat shook his head. _“Hell_ no, not right now. That wore me the fuck out and I'm probably going to completely fucking _pass out_ when I get back to my room. I meant like, next weekend or something.”

 

“Um, well if you’re sure you want to, I suppose I could.” Kankri trailed off cautiously.

 

“Alright, then. Next weekend.” Karkat said before turning and making his way back into the house.

 

_Well._

 

_This should be interesting._

 

Kankri smirked and followed him.

 

 _I hope he knows I won’t go easy on him_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate comments! :D


	27. Chapter 27

 

“You’ve been avoiding me, chief.”

 

_Damn it._

 

“Actually,” Kankri said, casually not looking up at Cronus from where he was reading on the couch, “I’ve been avoiding _everyone_ , not just you.” he paused and scowled slightly as he thought about it. “Not that it’s really been _working_ , but…” he shrugged as he trailed off.

 

He could almost _feel_ Cronus’s unamused stare. Well too bad. Kankri wasn’t planning on making this easy for him. Mostly because he had a feeling what Cronus would eventually want from him.

 

“I’m not gonna ask you to date me, so don’t worry chief.” Cronus said, oddly bluntly.

 

Kankri blinked in shock. Was he serious? Cronus had always been the type to hit on everything that moved in his line of vision. So why wasn’t he jumping at the notion that someone might be interested in him? Kankri hadn’t spoken to him recently, but surely he couldn’t have changed so much in such little time?

 

“Really?” Kankri questioned. He watched Cronus cautiously, looking for any sign of deceit.

 

Cronus shrugged and nodded. “Yeah, not unless you want me to. I mean, I don’t think you’d agree if I asked you, and I don’t want you to keep avoiding me.” He suddenly looked uncharacteristically bashful as he continued. “And you’re the only one who actually talks to me and _listens_. Everyone else just kinda brushes me off.”

 

“So, uh,” he continued, “if you ever decide you want to date me, then just ask me. But until then, we should just hang out like we used to.”

 

Kankri took a moment to think over what he said. He was oddly… impressed? It was _surprisingly_ mature of Cronus to say what he had. He had honestly not expected that from him.

 

Maybe one day he really _would_ consider dating him. For now, though…

 

“Alright.” Kankri said after a few more moments of consideration. “I agree with your assessment, Cronus. And I, ah, apologize for avoiding you lately. That was rude of me.”

 

Cronus grinned at him and sat next to him on the couch. “Eh, it’s fine dude. I can’t say I’d be doing much better if I were you right now. Having everyone see your memories sounds awful.”

 

“It is.” Kankri stated blandly. It was the worst invasion of privacy he could even consider. And to someone to him, who valued privacy above all else, it _really_ struck a harsh blow.

 

“We should still hang out soon though. When’s the next time you have free time?” Cronus asked.

 

“Well,” Kankri started, “really the only thing I have planned anytime soon is sparring with Karkat this weekend. I’m free other than that.”

 

Cronus looked surprised. “Sparring? You’re actually going to fight?” he grinned as Kankri nodded. “Can I come watch? Promise not to get in the way.”

 

Kankri sighed as he watched Cronus’s hopeful face. “I don’t have an issue with it. I’ll have to ask Karkat if he minds first though.” he said sternly.

 

Cronus’s grin was undeterred by the possible road block. “Awesome, chief. It’ll be cool to watch you fight in real life. Not that it wasn’t cool to watch you kicking the shit out of people in your memories too. I _really_ didn’t expect you to punch that other kid when you were younger.”  

 

Kankri felt his face heat up slightly. “Ah, right. Well… he deserved it.” he half muttered out as he looked away. He was pretty sure he had fractured the kid’s leg in addition to breaking his nose. He hoped so. _He_ was the one that gave the testimony that got Kankri slated to be culled in the first place. It might have happened eventually anyway, but it would likely have happened a lot later than it did.

 

How much would have changed? Kankri likely wouldn’t have been sent to the institute so early, and he wouldn’t have learned to survive in the forest by himself. He also would probably never would have met Porrim. Would the game still have started up if he wasn’t there to be the last member?

 

It’s odd to consider how much changed in his life from getting into a single fight as a child. Punching the other kid seemed to be the deciding factor in the direction his life would take from there. Looking back, though, Kankri couldn’t say that he would have done anything differently. Nothing major, at least. Despite everything that had happened, Kankri was content with his life as it was now.  

 

The future was beginning to look bright.

 

Kankri watched in amusement as Cronus waved his hand in his face. “Yes Cronus?” he asked.

 

“You zoned out on me there, chief. What were you thinking about? It looked pretty serious.” he looked concerned.

 

Kankri smiled. “Not much. It wasn’t anything too important, don’t worry. However,” he continued, “I should go ask Karkat if he minds your presence for the spar next weekend.” he moved to get up, but was stopped when Cronus spoke up once more.

 

“One more question, chief.”

 

Kankri looked curiously at him. “And that is?”

 

“Should I leave my hair ungelled more? _You_ seem to think it looks better that way.” his grin had turned _lecherous_. 

 

Kankri flushed in surprised embarrassment and buried his face in his hands. “I fucking hate you  _so_  much.” he groaned.

 

Cronus appeared to be laughing too hard to reply.

 

Kankri resisted the sudden childish urge to stick his tongue out at him. Or kick him.

 

Oh well. All things considered, he was lucky he didn’t get teased by the others _more_.

 

He watched with reluctantly amused affection as Cronus steadily tried to catch his breath from the bout of uncontrolled laughter. A delighted smile was still placed firmly on Cronus’s face as the laughter slowed, making him look younger than he was. Kankri felt his eyes soften, looking at him.

 

Oh yes. He wouldn’t change _this_ future for anything.

 


	28. Chapter 28

 

Kankri once again stood in the clearing behind the house. Karkat was standing in front of him, waiting to hear what he’d have to say, and Cronus sat near the edge of the clearing. Hopefully safely away from becoming an accidental target.

 

Kankri had forgone wearing his normal red sweater and was wearing a plain black shirt instead. He didn’t want the sweater to be damaged from this, after all. They wouldn’t be sparring immediately, though. First he had to see how advanced Karkat was in using his sickles.

 

“Alright.” Kankri began. “While I’m aware that you have experience fighting, I would like to see for myself how well you can use your new weapons if you don’t mind.”

 

“I’m guessing that’s what the training dummies are for?” Karkat asked, gesturing to the line of dummies Kankri had lined up.

 

Kankri nodded. “Exactly. So just attack one however you want, really.”

 

“Only if you attack one too.” Karkat said carefully, looking up at him with a determined expression.

 

“Alright.” Kankri agreed with a smile. “I suppose that would only be fair.”

 

Karkat decaptchalogued his sickles and moved in front of a dummy. He felt the weight of his weapons in his hands for a moment to balance them correctly before striking the dummy. His slashes cut _deep_ into the front of the dummy, he added a few more hits before nodding in satisfaction and moving back.

 

The dummy now had long and, if it were alive, potentially fatal cuts marring the front of it. Kankri was impressed with the skill Karkat showed in his demonstration. Not only was his grip on his sickles sturdy and correct, he also cut pretty deeply into it, and moved rather quickly.

 

 _However_ …

 

Kankri smiled impishly. “I suppose that it’s my turn now.”

 

In a flowing and purposefully  _f_ _luid_ motion, he decaptchalogued his scythe and shifted his momentum forward. He spun it slightly in his grip and _slashed_ the dummy stationed in front of him. His first cut was right through the dummy’s neck. His second slash happened before its head even had time to completely fall off. _That_ cut went right down its center. The third slash sliced the dummy in half horizontally. All of these happened in quick succession to the other, his movements fast and precise.

 

The dummy was now in multiple pieces on the ground, no longer able to stay up. He stepped back to admire his handiwork for a moment before turning to meet Karkat’s now wide eyed expression.

 

“Show off.” Karkat muttered, his eyes trained on the doll in a worry he tried to hide behind his scoff.

 

Kankri had to carefully conceal his amusement at hearing Cronus’s whispered, “ _Holy shit_.” off to the side of the clearing.  

 

“So,” Kankri continued swiftly, “if you would like, we could spar now, and I could teach you some attacks after that would be useful as a Blood player? Or possibly tomorrow, in case this wears us out too much.”

 

Karkat nodded slowly. “Yeah, that sounds good I guess. So what’re the rules of the spar?”

 

“Well,” Kankri considered this as he spoke, “I think the spar should be until first blood. Or until the other is pinned in such a way that they can’t move. The rules are simple: don’t injure the other too badly, that means anything that can’t be healed within a few days. If you want to stop the spar at any time, just say so. Do these terms sound agreeable to you?”

 

“Yeah, they sound fine.” Karkat said after a few moments of thinking it over.

 

Kankri inclined his head slightly in acknowledgement before moving to the more _open_ area of the clearing, away from the dummies, and gestured for Karkat to do the same.   

 

Kankri closed his eyes for a moment to enjoy the welcome weight of his scythe being in his hands again. He hadn’t had much reason to bring it out lately, and he had really begun to miss it. He let a bit of power flow into his eyes as he opened them again to look at his scythe. Kankri smiled at the bright bond linking him with it. He was happy that this scythe was what was chosen to be the weapon that fit him the most. The one that he was _bound_ to. The shining black metal still shone in the light as though no time had passed from when it was made until now. The edge was still as sharp as when he first got it as well. It hadn’t deteriorated at _all_ with age.  

 

He wondered…

 

He looked up casually at Karkat standing in front of him. He let his eyes wander to Karkat’s sickles and he smiled slightly at what he saw. There was a bond between them and Karkat, as he expected. It wasn’t as strong as Kankri’s bond with his own scythe, but it was there. It would likely grow over time, as Kankri’s had.

 

“What the fuck are you looking at?” Karkat demanded, squinting at him distrustfully. “I can see your fucking red-glowy-power _whatever the fuck_ in your eyes. You’d _better_ not be fucking around with any of my bonds or something right now, asshole.”

 

Kankri huffed a laugh out. “Don’t worry, I’m doing nothing of the sort. If I was planning on manipulating anything, you’d see that in my hands as well, I think. Though I _will_ say that I’m impressed you could see that. I suppose holding your weapons heightens your power over Blood as well. That’s rather fascinating, honestly.” he let the energy built up in his eyes dissipate slowly.

 

Karkat looked at him warily. “So why _were_ you using your powers, anyway?”

 

“I wanted to see if you shared a bond with your weapons like I do. The answer is yes, by the way.” Kankri smiled down at him. “It’s pretty strong for being so new, actually. I’m impressed.”

 

Karkat’s expression seemed to be torn between embarrassment and pride. “Whatever.” he finally grumbled out, not looking at Kankri. “Can we just start already?”

 

In lieu of answering, Kankri looked over at Cronus. “Could you count down from three to start the match?” he called out, raising his voice only slightly to be heard by the other.

 

Cronus seemed surprised at being addressed so suddenly, but nodded quickly after. He stood up and cupped his hands around his mouth as he called out, “Three!... Two!... One!... _Go!_ ”

 

Karkat immediately charged towards Kankri. It seemed he thought the best way to win against Kankri was to take him out before he had the chance to do anything. Kankri was nearly impressed. His plan wasn’t necessarily a _bad_ one. However…

 

He waited until Karkat got closer to make a move, quickly stepping to the side and using the handle of his scythe to trip him.

 

To Karkat’s credit, he shifted his balance to right himself instead of falling as Kankri thought he would. Well, Kankri knew better than to underestimate him anyway. Karkat had grown up on Alternia, and Kankri had no misconceptions about the nature of that world. He was already sure that his dancestor could hold his own in a fight, but seeing the proof in front of him almost made him smile.

 

There would always be room for improvement, though.

 

Karkat ran forward once more and slashed forward with one of his sickles.

 

Kankri used the handle of his scythe to block the hit, before knocking Karkat’s hand away from him with it and thrusting the end of his scythe forward to hit Karkat square in the chest. He watched as Karkat stumbled and fell from the blow.

 

“I _do_ hope you can do more than just that, Karkat.” he said, hiding a smile. “Or else this fight won’t last very long at all.”

 

Karkat scowled. “Shut the fuck up. The spar only _just_ started, you sanctimonious ass.” he stood up and winced slightly. “And I don’t plan on losing.”

 

“People normally don’t _plan_ on losing, I would say.” Kankri pointed out. He smirked at Karkat’s unamused stare and added slyly, “Well in any case, I hope that at some point during this you pose enough of a challenge that I’ll _actually_ need to use the blade of my scythe. Because so far I’ve only needed to use the handle to knock you down.”  

 

He watched with growing amusement as Karkat’s face shifted from irritated to _enraged_ determination.

 

He spun his scythe casually and asked plainly, “Would you like me to go easy on you? There’s no shame in needing a crutch in a fight you know?” while his tone bordered on mocking, his question was entirely serious. If Karkat wanted this to go at a slower pace, Kankri would give him that with no complaint.

 

“ _Fuck_ no.” Karkat hissed. “Don’t you _dare_ go easy on me.” he raised his sickles again, ready to continue the fight.

 

“If you insist…” Kankri shrugged and tightened his grip on his scythe slightly.

 

Karkat darted forward again and swung both of his sickles towards Kankri, clearly hoping he wouldn’t be able to block both of them.

 

Kankri grinned as he dodged one and used the handle of his scythe to catch the other by the curve of its blade. He pulled his scythe backwards suddenly, _yanking_ the sickle out of Karkat’s grasp. He caught it deftly out of the air and smiled at Karkat, amused. “Would you like this back?” he asked, holding the sickle forward for him to reclaim.

 

Karkat gaped at him in astonishment for a moment, before he seemed to snap forward into the present once more. “Oh, _give me that_.” he said, reaching forward and snatching the sickle back from Kankri in embarrassment.

 

“A fair warning, however.” Kankri began with a small grin. “That’s the only time I’ll give it back once I’ve taken one. After this, you’re on your own if you continue to be so easy to disarm. You’ll have to get them back by yourself.”

 

Karkat huffed in irritation and went back on the offensive, lashing forward again and again attempting to land a hit on Kankri.

 

Kankri responded by dodging what he could and blocking what he couldn’t.

 

This pattern continued for a few more minutes. Karkat had gotten a few decent hits in, and had managed to land a kick or two, but Kankri decided that it was time to end this. He waited for a decent opening and once again used the end of his scythe to knock one of Karkat’s sickles out of his hands. He used Karkat's shock at the action to quickly grab his other hand and disarm it as well, tossing his second sickle off to the side and out of his reach.

 

He ignored Karkat’s growing alarm and _grinned_ as he moved swiftly behind his dancestor and struck the back of his knees with the handle of his scythe, watching him fall to his knees at the hit.

 

Kankri carefully but still firmly held Karkat by his hair as he brought his scythe up to his neck, the blade only _just_ touching the skin of his neck.

 

A beat of silence passed.

 

“Alright, alright you win.” Karkat grumbled out. “Now fucking _let go_.”

 

Kankri chuckled and captchalogued his scythe, then ruffled Karkat’s hair once before letting go. “You did incredibly well, Karkat.”

 

Karkat furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “How the hell was that anywhere _near_ ‘doing well’? Not only did I _lose_ , I was barely even able to _hit_ you.”

 

“Because,” Kankri said as he grabbed Karkat’s sickles to give back to him, “you showed a lot of talent, and your speed and strength for your age and size are _well above_ what would be expected. Your technique could use some work, but there isn’t anything too terrible with that either.”

 

He smiled serenely as he sat next to Karkat. “Against another opponent, you likely would have won. I’ve just been doing this for a lot longer than you. A few _thousand_ sweeps of practice really helps, you know?”

 

Karkat huffed in embarrassment. “You were still holding back on me.” he finally accused, halfheartedly.

 

“Well, I didn’t want the match to be over _that_ early.” Kankri responded playfully. He swiftly dodged Karkat’s subsequent attempt to punch his arm.

 

“I liked you better when you weren’t kicking my ass.” Karkat said.

 

Kankri rolled his eyes. “No you didn’t.”

 

Karkat blinked at him before laughing quietly. “Yeah, you’re right. Surprisingly, I feel like punching you _less_ now.”

 

“I’m honored.” Kankri responded dryly.

 

“Hey, chief! That was really awesome!”

 

Kankri looked up and saw Cronus making his way over to them.

 

“I’m glad it proved to be entertaining for you, Cronus.” Kankri remarked.

 

“It was so badass!” Cronus cheered, apparently still excited from watching the fight. “Can you teach me to fight like that, too?”

 

Kankri smiled gently. “Perhaps one day, Cronus. One student at a time is more than enough for me, however. Speaking of which,” he turned to face Karkat, “the next training session should be in a day or two so we can both rest from this. Does that sound alright to you?”

 

Karkat nodded. “Yeah, that works for me. You’re going to teach me stuff that would work for blood players to fight with, right?”

 

Kankri nodded. “Correct. That also means that you won’t be able to attend the next one, Cronus.” his eyes met Cronus’s as he spoke. “It wouldn’t be safe for you there. Aspect energy can be a dangerous thing if the user is inexperienced.”

 

“Hey, I could handle it.” Cronus said confidently.

 

Kankri raised an eyebrow blandly. “You could handle random spikes of blood coming from the ground and stabbing through your feet? Or perhaps a wave of energy that manages to stop your blood flow? Could you honestly ‘handle’ that?”

 

Cronus had gotten progressively paler as Kankri spoke and now looked _vaguely_ ill. “Uh, actually, I think I’ll skip that one.” he offered weakly.

 

Kankri grinned at Karkat’s laughter at the exchange.

 

Well, now it seemed that Kankri needed to prepare for the next training session.

 

This would be _fun_.

 


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. This chapter will be in Karkat's POV.

 

 Karkat stood at the edge of the flat paved area of their driveway as he watched Kankri twirl a knife around his fingers casually.

 

“Before we begin,” Kankri started, “I need to know where you stand on aspect knowledge. So would you please tell me what you already know about aspect energy?”

 

Karkat paused to gather his thoughts before carefully replying. “It’s the type of power or whatever that the people who played the game can use. There are different types that can do different things. And it’s apparently _subjective as fuck_.” He leveled Kankri with a deadpan stare as he said this. He knew that Kankri, more than anyone, had done his best to bend the rules as to what his aspect _actually_ covered.

 

Karkat crossed his arms as Kankri continued on as though he hadn’t noticed his pointed statement, the upward twitch of Kankri’s lips as he spoke the only sign of his amusement.

 

“I suppose that’s as good a starting point as any.” Kankri stated. “Alright, I’ll be teaching you a lot today hopefully. So let’s begin.” Kankri ceased spinning the knife and held it steadily for a moment, before flipping the blade towards his hand and slicing a long line down his finger.   

 

Karkat blinked in shock but said nothing. He watched as Kankri flicked his now bleeding finger towards the pavement, drops of blood coming out in oddly controlled amounts. After scattering a few more stray droplets, Kankri carefully tossed the knife to the side where it was unlikely to be stepped on.

 

“Now that _that_ part is done with,” Kankri began casually, “I can show you the basics of healing.”

 

Karkat furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “What the fuck are you talking about? We can’t do _healing_. Isn’t that just a Life aspect thing or whatever?”

 

Kankri’s smile was more pronounced now. “Karkat, have you ever noticed that since you began the game, you have perhaps healed more quickly than what would be strictly considered normal? Or that you could survive more wounds than what should be possible?”

 

Karkat’s hand drifted to his side unconsciously, thinking of the stab wound he received there. “Maybe. So what if I have?” he scowled more at the memory than the question.

 

Kankri nodded knowingly at the look on his face. “I expected as much.” he said calmly. “I’m much the same. You see, Blood as an aspect is versatile by nature. Due to the meaning being so unclear, it suddenly becomes many new things.” Kankri made eye contact with Karkat at this. “However, that is not to say that the other aspects can’t be exactly as subjective, or that there aren’t any limitations with what Blood can and can’t do.”

 

Karkat nodded in understanding. He knew there would be limits when he began. But at least with this he would have _some_ clue of what he could and couldn’t do. And that was a _huge_ improvement on what he had known. Which was effectively nothing if was being honest with himself.

 

“Now then,” Kankri continued, “Blood is essential to healing. It helps fight off infections, and will heal wounds, along with many other things. Therefore, we can manipulate it to heal certain things faster.” Kankri moved his opposite hand to cover his wounded finger.

 

Karkat let enough energy flow to his eyes to be able to see what Kankri was doing. There was a faint glow of energy softly emanating off of the hand covering the wound. Kankri removed the hand a moment later and the cut had healed almost completely, leaving only a faint red mark behind.

 

“Holy shit.” Karkat said, his eyes widening slightly.

 

Kankri smiled as he continued his explanation. “You see, things like this will only heal _that_ quickly if we actively put energy into healing it. However, as blood players we have a higher healing rate than most of the others. So we can live through more injuries than we really should.” Kankri stopped to consider something for a moment before shrugging and continuing. “Not that this makes much of a difference, considering the immortal status we both posses now. But I still think the information can be useful. On the off chance that you’re ever mildly injured for some reason, simply focus a bit of energy towards the area that has been affected and think of what you want it to accomplish. Or transfer the energy to your hand and hold it over the area as I just did. Both work about as well.”

 

Karkat tilted his head before nodding in acceptance. “Yeah alright, sounds easy enough.” he squinted at Kankri as he continued. “I have a question though.”

 

Kankri blinked. “Yes Karkat?”

 

Karkat gestured to the many blood droplets on the pavement. “Why the fucking _hell_ was that necessary?” he demanded.

 

“Patience, Karkat.” Kankri said with a small chuckle. “Now, please watch as I demonstrate the next thing I’ll be teaching you.” With that, he extended his hand forward and gestured upward slightly.

 

Karkat stepped back in surprise as the blood droplets on the ground began moving around before _quickly_ shifting into dangerously sharp spikes. He looked up in alarm at Kankri whose smile had shifted into a self satisfied grin.

 

“I’ll be teaching you how to manipulate blood.” Kankri spoke as he moved his hand in fluid motions, the spikes falling away and the blood pooling into one dancing mass that flowed gracefully as he spoke. “There are many ways blood can be manipulated. And it can be a terrifying weapon indeed. Not only can you make the sharpest of blades with it,” the blood shifted to a single blade that quickly _slashed_ forward and sliced through a large patch of grass before going back to the formless mass it had been, “but you can also use it for other things. You could use it to hold someone in place, mold different things with it, and in dire situations…” Kankri paused to look at Karkat to make sure the gravity of this was being hammered in enough. “You can stop a person's heart and blood flow completely with it. Know though, that even just changing or stopping a person’s blood flow for a single moment would be incredibly painful for them and possibly fatal. Do not use this unless you are prepared for the recipient to die. Do you understand this so far?”

 

Karkat only nodded solemnly. “Yeah, I got it. So I’m guessing we aren’t going to be practicing that one?” he asked, his eyebrow raised.

 

Kankri laughed lowly. “No, we won’t be. I’ll tell you how it works, but that technique is only to be used in emergencies. If you’re lucky, you’ll never need it.” Kankri paused before moving the mass of blood to scatter on the pavement once more.

 

“I hope this all gets cleaned up before someone comes out here. They’re going think we murdered someone or something.” Karkat said dryly.

 

Kankri offered him a small amused smile before going back to the lesson. “Alright.” he continued, “I would like you to now attempt to manipulate the blood on your own.” he gestured lightly the the small puddle in front of Karkat, who looked at it dubiously.

 

“Uh, I don’t think I can. How the fuck am I even supposed to do that?”

 

“You’ve done it before, Karkat. When you created your sickles you were actually using a rather difficult technique to pull off.”

 

Karkat blinked in shock at Kankri’s admission. “I… what? What the fuck? How did I even do it, then?”

 

Karkat was shocked at the fond amusement he saw written on Kankri’s face. “Karkat, though you might not believe it, you’re actually rather in touch with our aspect. Once you let yourself stop thinking about how to do it, it came naturally to you, did it not? I barely even had to teach you the basics for you to know exactly what to do. Simply focus on your aspect energy and what you want it to accomplish. The rest shouldn’t be too difficult after that.”

 

That was… surprising. Did he really think so highly of his abilities?

 

_Well then, fuck it. Might as well try it._

 

With that, Karkat extended his hand over the shimmering puddle and let the aspect energy he had been getting better at calling forward flow into his hand. He focused on his intent and gestured slightly. He frowned when the liquid remained unmoving.

 

“Damn it.” he muttered.

 

He channeled more energy into his hand and waved it gently to the side. The puddle twitched slightly in response. His eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

 

“Impressive.” Kankri remarked calmly.

 

Karkat whirled around to snap at Kankri to _not fucking mock him_ but stopped when he saw the the sincere look on his face. “Wait,” Karkat said, mildly disbelieving, “you were being serious?”

 

Kankri laughed lightly. “Yes, I was being entirely serious. Karkat, when I first began attempting to learn blood manipulation it took me an _hour_ at least to get it to even _react_. You’re actually progressing wonderfully.”

 

Karkat faltered. He didn’t quite know how to respond to such honest praise. He felt his face flush and muttered a quiet thank you before turning back to his attempts to manipulate the blood in front of him. A thought crossed his mind as he turned to look at Kankri, still attempting to manipulate the blood with his extended hand as he spoke.

 

“Am I going to be able to manipulate bonds too?”

 

Kankri blinked and tilted his head slightly in thought. “You should be able to. I see no reason why you _wouldn’t_ be able to, at least. You won’t be able to see bonds as clearly as I do, but you should have about as much control over them. Just remember that faint bonds might escape your sights, and that some bonds are extremely complicated, and that you might not see all of any intricate details that might exist in it.”

 

Karkat nodded in understanding. “That’s fair. So I’ll be better at fighting with blood than you?”

 

The smile on Kankri’s face turned mocking. “I suppose in a few thousand sweeps you’ll be _close_.” He laughed at the glare he received from Karkat. “Honestly, yes. As long as you practice, I believe you’ll become quite proficient at it.”

 

“Uh… thanks.” Karkat said after a moment, a bit flustered at the praise. He looked down at the puddle that only succeeded in moving a few more inches to the right. His brows furrowed in thought as something occurred to him.  

 

“Have things been okay?” he asked finally.

 

Kankri turned to look at him. “Okay in what way?”

 

Karkat fidgeted slightly, a little uncomfortable but soldiering on anyway. “Like… has anyone been a fucknut about your memories or anything?”

 

“Oh, that.” Kankri sighed and sat on the ground, deciding to get comfortable. “I don’t think anyone has been particularly rude about it so far.”

 

Karkat watched in interest as Kankri’s expression shifted into something caught between annoyance and amusement. He decided to join Kankri in sitting.

 

“Well, actually... this morning three different people _flinched_ when I grabbed a knife to cut my sandwich.” Kankri gestured vaguely with his hand, seemingly torn between wanting to laugh and irritation at being suddenly known as someone _dangerous_. “None of them can even die, so I don’t know what they were worried about.”

 

Karkat laughed quietly. “I think the dumbasses just need some time. It all came as a bit of a shock for us to see, you know? No one expected any of that from you.” 

 

The corner of Kankri’s lip twitched upwards. “So I’ve been told.” he muttered. “It isn’t like anything changed. If I wanted to hurt any of them I would have done it in the _thousands_ of sweeps we were all trapped together.”

 

“I’m sure they’d find that comforting to hear.” Karkat responded dryly. “It totally wouldn’t cause some of them to start attempting to retroactively panic or anything.”

 

Kankri rolled his eyes. “Fucking morons.” he muttered fondly, a small smile still gracing his face.

 

Karkat exhaled softly as he observed Kankri. The lack of tension in his frame and the contentment on his face. Something occurred to him, something that had been tickling at the back of his mind for a while now.

 

“You’re different now.” Karkat said suddenly. He watched Kankri appraisingly.

 

“Of course I’m different now.” Kankri said uncomprehendingly as he turned to look at Karkat in confusion. “There’s no reason to continue pretending to be someone I’m obviously not.”

 

“That isn’t what I mean.” Karkat said, shaking his head. “I don’t just mean that you dropped that dumbass facade. I mean, I’m glad you did, but that’s not what I was talking about.”

 

Karkat looked down at the puddle that had only progressed a few more inches as he tried to put his thoughts in order. He hesitated briefly before continuing. “I’m saying that you just seem different as a person in general? From what I saw in your memories, even before this _shitstorm_ of us seeing your life, you didn’t really seem _happy_.”

 

Kankri leaned back on his hands and looked at the sky, lost in thought. “No I suppose I wasn’t.” he muttered absently.

 

“Sorry.” Karkat blurted. “It’s not really my fucking business. Shit, I shouldn’t-”

 

“No, it’s fine.” Kankri cut in. He turned his head slightly to look at Karkat as he spoke. “You just made me realise something, is all. I don’t mind talking about this.”

 

Karkat blinked in shock at the softness reflected in Kankri’s eyes and voice. He didn’t seem annoyed by the observation, he just looked slightly... worn down. It hit Karkat suddenly, just how old his dancestor _actually_ was. For the first time since he met him, Kankri’s eyes reflected his true age.

 

“I didn’t realise how _stifling_ it was to always pretend to be someone else until I was no longer able to.” Kankri admitted finally.

 

“Why did you keep it up for so long?” Karkat asked curiously. He watched as Kankri seemed to mull it over for a moment.

 

“It began from my anger, as you know, but as it continued…” Kankri stared unseeingly into the trees in front of him as he spoke, “I think it just became a force of habit. It was just so much easier to keep going than to make any changes. Besides, it was a lot easier to keep everyone at a safe distance if I just made them all dislike me. After a while, it was really only Porrim’s bond to me that I had to keep disconnecting.”

 

Kankri exhaled slowly as he continued, “I think I was a also a little afraid. It was easier to pretend to be someone else, because no one can hate you if they don’t know you. They only hate what they see, and that was a comforting thought. Because then it wasn’t _me_ they hated, it was who I was pretending to be.” He ran a hand through his hair and laughed lightly, an almost bitter tone to it. “Unfortunately, it seems that who I was pretending to be actually became who I was. And now that I can’t fall back on that personality, I’ve realized that there’s not really much else _to_ me.”

 

“ _Bullshit_.”

 

He saw Kankri flinch in surprise at his forceful interjection, but he _needed_ to say this. And he knew Kankri needed to hear it.

 

“That’s not _all_ of who you are, you soggy fuckwit. If that was _all_ of your personality we wouldn’t even be having this conversation right now.” He noted that Kankri was watching him with wide eyes, still surprised. “Thinking that you just _suddenly_ don’t have a personality is _stupid as shit_. Someone without a personality wouldn’t have been so fucking _nice_ when I asked about Signless, or when I asked for lessons on how to fucking use our aspect! They for sure wouldn’t have been so encouraging and _supportive_ when I made my sickles, that _you_ helped with, by the way.” He stared hard at Kankri as he spoke, hoping to drill this all through his _thick skull_. “And someone with no personality definitely wouldn't have _mocked_ me in the middle of our spar the other day, or be _nearly_ as sarcastic as you.” A small smirk twitched on his lips at the last statement. Kankri’s dry sense of humor was one of Karkat’s favorite things that came out of learning more about him.   

 

“You’re sarcastic, kind, generous, and _caring_ , you asshole. There’s more to you than your anger, Kankri, and you need to fucking remember it.”

 

Karkat watched Kankri carefully, waiting for a reaction. Kankri was oddly still for a few more moments before blinking profusely. Red rushed to his face and he tried to quickly and unsuspiciously wipe his eyes with his sleeve. Karkat smiled at him in relief. He was glad Kankri seemed to have taken his words to heart.

 

“Um, thank you for that, Karkat.” he spoke, carefully hiding his eyes behind his sleeves. “I.. that was…” he sniffled slightly and gave up on hiding behind his sleeves. “Thank you.” he said, looking at Karkat with what might have been the most _open_ expression to ever cross his face. His eyes were wet but his smile was bright and Karkat was happy to be the one to cause it.

 

They sat peacefully for a few more moments before Karkat stretched and stood up. “Alright.” he said. “I should get back to practicing.” With that he extended his hand and once again began attempting to manipulate the puddle.

 

Karkat focused solely on levitating the blood upwards as he gestured upwards with his hand as well. A small portion of the puddle began shuddering and he called a bit more energy forward to use. A few droplets began rising into the air. They were a bit shaky, but they were floating all the same.

 

_I wonder…_

 

With that, Karkat called forward all of the energy he could safely control and let it surge into the puddle.

 

“Uh, Karkat, I don’t think you should-” Kankri tried to get out, but was interrupted by the puddle getting _launched_ into the sky at an incredible speed.

 

They both remained stock still in shock as droplets of blood began falling down on them. Karkat made a mental note to _not use that much power again, holy shit_. He turned at a small noise and found Kankri attempting to stifle laughter.

 

“Shut the fuck up.” Karkat muttered, embarrassed.

 

Kankri seemed to have given up on controlling his laughter and was now openly _giggling._

 

“You actually made it _rain blood_ , oh my fucking god, _Karkat_.” Kankri finally managed to wheeze between bouts of laughter. “I’m almost _impressed_ at this, holy _shit_.”

 

“Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up asshole.” Karkat grumbled.

 

Kankri stood up and dusted himself off, still looking amused but at least not _openly_ laughing at him anymore. Karkat watched in amazement as Kankri waved his arm and removed all the blood that had rained on them and the area. The blood all flowed into a single floating ball which then turned into a needle thin spike that flew into the ground and buried itself beneath the soil.

 

“There we go.” Kankri said with a decisive nod. “That’s disposed of well enough.”

 

Kankri turned to Karkat as he continued speaking. “I think we mainly just need to work on your control. Which shouldn’t be too difficult, in all honesty. You just require practice.”

 

Karkat nodded acceptingly. “Yeah, that’s fair.” he replied.

 

“And once you master that, I can show the next thing I’ll be teaching you.”

 

“What’s the next thing?” Karkat questioned, his curiosity piqued.

 

Kankri grinned. “I’ll be teaching you how to combine fighting and using your aspect at the same time.”

 

Well, _that_ caught Karkat’s interest. He was definitely going to start practicing more. He wanted to be able to control his aspect with the ease Kankri used.

 

He had a _lot_ of practice ahead of him, that was for sure.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate comments! :D


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